Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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What did the fish say when it hit the big stone wall? DAM

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Why didn't the busy San Francisco business man hear his alarm clock ring this morning? A nuclear bomb blast occurred 700 meters from his front door. The estimated blast radius was approximately 100 square miles. Naturally, his alarm clock didn't make it.

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what do you call a man with no arms no legs cancer and down syndrome? you call him stephen because his name is stephen

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Q: Why did the boy have blue balls? A: because the respectable girl with high self esteem refused to give him head.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? Robin, get into the Batmobile.

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Q: how do you get a live elephant into a refrigerator? A: you buy an industrial sized refrigerator from cost-co and then walk the elephant slowly but surely through the door. Q: how do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? A: after removing the elephant by means of walking out the door, slice the giraffe into small pieces approx. 1m by 1m by 1m and put those into the refrigerator

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He didn't he was chicken

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A piece of wood walks into a bonfire. Wood can't walk.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was baked.

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why did the bird fall out of the tree? Earth's Gravitational pull

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Why did the leaf fall of the tree? Because it was fall

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Why did Little Timmy eat Smarties before school? Because he was hungry.

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Whats fuzzy and greenand if it falls from a tree it will kill you? A pool table.

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how do you boil oil? add b to oil

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The secret to McDonalds success is all their customers are to fat to leave

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What do you call somebody from Manchester? A twat

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Knock, knock Who's there? Not your dead Nan

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What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench? the NBA

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How do you stop a bus? You press the brake pedal, causing the brake pads to squeeze the tires. Which will slow the momentum of the bus to the point of stopping.

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Q: What happens when you hit a man with a car? A: You speed away hoping no one saw, you spend the next month and a half agonizing over your crime as it consumes you because you think of the poor man's family, then you either go to prison or hang yourself from a fan all because you wanted road dome....

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A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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A jew, a catholic, and a muslim walk into a bar. Within minutes, they begin to argue about religion. After a few hours of intense debate, all three left dissatisfied and upset.

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A man scratches his ankle and says " my nuts are itchy" a woman looks at him questionly. realizing he had been watched, he lifted the bottom of his pant leg and showed to woman that he had stuffed his socks with pecans.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops