My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

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Knock, knock! Who's there? Mary Mary who? Mary Smith.

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Why did the man get fired from his Job? The boss became his ex girlfriend 2 minutes ago

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what do you do with a drunken sailor? take him back to port because he's not in a right state of mind to be on board a moving vessel

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Where can I find a good Prostitute? Your Parents House.

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Why did the chicken commit suicide? No one knows, he didn't leave a note.

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"Wise old man, what is the meaning of life?" "I don't know why do people think old people are so wise these days?"

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Q: What did the boy with no arms or lags get for christmas? A: He dosent now he cant open them.

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What did casino dealer say to the other? Every day I'm shuffling.

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Knock, Knock? Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Why are you crying? I'm not crying. Oh.

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try to find the 1 thumbs up if you find it! 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hohifooncuiohicvsdhn ioshd

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she was a woman

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Gary Busey walk into a bar. Everyone Ran out noticing the potential danger.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

John Travolta goes to the supermarket..

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A man lying in bed at night rolls over and starts rubbing his wife's back. She says, "Not tonight, honey, I have a headache." Her husband respected her wishes and went to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Whats black and white and musty? A nuns pussy because it never gets used.

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What's the difference between a murdered baby and a dead baby? Not much

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Q: Why was Luigi sad? A: Because he entered the Twilight Zone.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What's the difference between you and a bucket of shit? The bucket and the shit. You're a human being.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Why is six afraid of seven? Because six is a numerophobe.

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A man walks into a bar carrying a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender says, "We don't serve construction workers here."

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a tumor Doctors give it 6 weeks before I die...

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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