How do you get Doctor Phil in a bikini? Give him a little alcohol to ease inhibitions and offer him a suitable bribe.

Whats alive and drowning? your new born baby you just threw in the river

Baby Seal walks into a club.

"One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the f uck's your problem?'" -Training Day

Whats worse than 1 bee sting? 2 bee stings,whats worse than 2 bee stings? The holocaust Whats worse than the holocaust?.. 3 bee stings

A pengiuin walked into a bar. Just kidding, it waddled at an increasingly fast rate.

I stabbed a person. No seriously, I just stabbed them. There's no punchline. Just Just Stab wounds.

knock, , knock , who's there the gas man the gas man who ? the gas man who is gonna turn your gas off !

Why couldnt the girl ride her bike? becuase she was dreaming she actually doesnt have a bike her family is poor in these hard economic times.

Do not be unreasonable now, as for the twenty five million dollars, it is the least I can do, but if we cannot agree upon acting with some reason and dignity, as refraining from insults, then no conflict will ever be solved... ...I will send you my contact information shortly, expect the money within the week, three or four days tops. Would you be interested in learning more about our order? We make good use of people such as you. With all due respect, I would not exactly lend my sister to anybody that brags about engaging into intercourse with his own sister.

roses are red violets are blue, every 1 looks at you and call u a fool

A man with Alztheimers walks into a bar. He forgets the purpose of being there.

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was dead. Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A: It was stapled to the first one. Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A: Peer pressure.

Why did the chicken cross the road? to get to the other side

what do you do with a drunken sailor? take him back to port because he's not in a right state of mind to be on board a moving vessel

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. Your mom is the punchline.

What does society have in common with laundry? They both get ruined when you mix colors with whites.

well, I'm dying of AIDS, so....

Daym im romantic

Knock, Knock? Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Why are you crying? I'm not crying. Oh.

why was the the taxi cab driver having a bad day? because he wasnt making very much money, didnt get alot of customers, some of which were extremely rude, and his entire family just died.

What did casino dealer say to the other? Every day I'm shuffling.

Penis Gabriel - Go eat some ice cream! Boner McDaniels - No. Penis Gabriel - Ok.

try to find the 1 thumbs up if you find it! 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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...