-Why was little Johnny sad? >Why? -Because he had a frog stapled to his forehead.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding out your boyfriend's gay

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Little kids wear superman underwear. Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.

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please dis this joke, I want to get to the bottom of the leaderboard!

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What is E.T. short For? So he can fit on ship

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Q: What's worse than a worm in you're apple... A: The fact that you have all-timers and can't remember...

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What are you getting for Christmas? Wasted.

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What did the skeleton say to the vampire? Nothing because a skeleton wouldn't have a larynx.

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How do you kill a blonde? You shoot them in the head with a revolver.

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Why did the young man not want to go to school? Because he had a large tumor on the left side of his face.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? HIVs.

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Know who had straight parents? Adolf Hitler.

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Her tits are so big that they would provide adequate nourishment for any future offspring.

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Why isnt Gemma a Surfboarder? .. Because She was a Stillborn. Why isn't Kate a Ballerina? Because She's paralysed. Why isnt Tommy an Olympic High Jumper? Because He's a dwarf.

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Why did the Jew have so much money? He had a good education and therefore, a high paying job.

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What would Helen Keller say to Obama? Wow Im really impressed that you are our nation's first black president. You're doing a great job. Except it would come out like DUUUUURNNNNNAFMKAAAALLLL

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Two cows are in a field. One says to the other, "are you worried about this mad cow disease that's going around?" The other replies, "I'm not worried - I'm a squirrel."

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You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock Who's there Not Sarah

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This is a stupid joke. Get it to the top of the list and Kobe Bryant will pass to you.

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The hooker walks into a bar wearing a vest and tight denim shorts. A drunken man proceeds in trying to have his way with her. He is thrown out for sexual mis-conduct and is currently waiting for his court date.

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What did the blind, deaf and dumb lady name her kid? Sebastion.

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a disabled person walked into a bar..oh wait

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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