How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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A black man with a blond beard came to deliver me a pizza. I paid him, tipped him, and closed my door. I forgot the pizza. Dammit.

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"I like my women like I like my coffee, in a cup." -Paul Alangadan

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimers Roses are red Violets are....

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How do dogs mark their territory? With legal documents.

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A blonde walks into a bar. She just graduated university and thought she would celebrate with a beer.

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Show me the money! Said the man last wednesday.

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What's the main difference between an angry white man and an angry black man? The angry black man is probably of African descent.

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Where did Susie go when her town was bombed? Everywhere.

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What do you call an Arab man flying a plane? A pilot.

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What did the German say the the Jewish man? "Hello, nice to meet you."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? We don't know if he even did, how would we know why? There were no cameras at the intersection he crossed at. Therefor the question is unanswerable. Unless the chicken admits to it........ ........ Chickens can't talk.

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(Guy)That's what she said. (His Girlfriend) And who is this she.

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Why was the math book crying? Three men just brutally raped his wife.

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Q:How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: Well, we can solve this problem of the wood chuck chucking our wood by putting all of your spare wood in a wood chipper. Try throwing dust you chucking bastard.

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What did the Jew say right before a boy threw a quarter in a fountain? Make a wish.

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Whats white, black, and red all over? A penguin on fire

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Why did the house burn down? Obama

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Do you speak alien? Hola.

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Why did the little boy get food poisoning? Because his family can't afford to buy organic food, and can only afford McDonald's burgers, where their cows are forced to stand in their own feces.

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Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. Martin was a lonely man

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Roses are green Violets are grey Tulips are a lighter grey I am colorblind.

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(joker) Do you like fishsticks? (recipient) "No" (any response from the joker at this point qualifies as anti joke)

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, a dead baby is a horrible sight and shouldn't be laughed at.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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