What is black and blue? A pen with reversable ink.

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frogs are green and grass is greener i just blew up ur mom and ur the cleaner now get to work SLAVE

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What's worse than losing a contact Having a bloody stool

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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A man walks into a bar, sits down and the bartender comes over and asks him what he wants to drink. The man replies, "Carrot Juice."

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Omg you bought a Prius? Children in Africa are starving and could have used that money to buy food.

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Why are they called waiters? Because you got to wait for them for a fucking long time. Why do they call you a patient. Just so you wont get impatient, if you do you are no longer a patient and they will ignore you.

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your mother is so fat that she bought a treadmill and uses it daily. she already lost 20 lbs.

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Why did jenny fall off the swing? ...Cause she has no arms Knock, Knock Who's there? not jenny

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What is red? A rock painted red

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When life gives you lemons, you are probably crazy because life cannot give you lemons.

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What's brown and sticky? A Stick

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oooh look a banshee

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why did the hedge hog cross the road? To get to his 'flat' mate!!

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what's the difference between two pieces of bacon and a blond girl? The blond girl is a human and it's against the law to eat her.

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Why was Susie crying? There was a frog stapled to her face.

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What did the fly say when he went to Dunkin Donuts? Can I have a doughnut?

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Whats worse then getting shot in the leg? Getting shot twice in the leg

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why didn't the boy get any presents for his birthday? because when his dad went to the store to get him some presents he ended up buying presents for himself like a huge douchebag.... and the apple doesn't fall from the tree so his son is a douchebag too and doesn't deserve presents.

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Why did the other reindeer make fun of Rudolph? He had one nut

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Hi i want a cheeseburger and a small fry, said bob. And then, said the guy taking the order. thats all, said bob. And then, said the guy. Ummmm ok well i take small coke, said bob. And then, said that guy. Thats all, said bob. and then, said the guy. whatever i'll take a milkshake, said bob. And then, said that guy. and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then and then

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What do you call a person with a cane? someone with a walking disability

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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