Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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What do you do if you see a man on the street with a pineapple up his bum? Take him to the hospital to have the pineapple removed professionally. It could be potentially dangerous for his health.

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Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

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what do you call a fat black cat and a skinny white dog? Just two animals that are judged.

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I thoroughly dislike arabs, I lost both my parents in the events of 9/11.

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How do you make a plumber sad? You murder his family.

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What did the homicidal maniac say to his 13th victim? Nothing, she was dead at the time.

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Why can't Tommy ride a bike? Because Tommy is a goldfish.

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What did the dog say to the other dog? Were both dogs!

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Why did Chuck Norris start crying? Because he was in a coma

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What do you do when your speeding and a cop is right behind you? make a complete stop and hope for the best

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Q. Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? A. Because he's dead.

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Why did my mom smell bad. Because she is a corpse and has been dead for some days now

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What did the kid say when his parents were killed? Nothing. He's a vegetable

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getting a call from the hospital saying that your whole entire family was all killed in an explosion and they were killed from your best friend.

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Whats has 6 wheels and can fly? A dumpster, I lied about the flying.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I am disabled, so please help me poo.

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Knock Knock. *Silence* Knock Knock. *Silence* Knock Knock. *Silence* *Busts open door* "Oh right... I killed Bob last week.

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yo moma is so poor she cant afford free samples

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george goodburn is secretly mexican

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Why did the boy sharpen his pencil it was dull

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What did the Wife say to her husband about his Erectile Dysfunction? - Im sorry I dont know how to finish a joke based on this private a matter.

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What is yellow and fluffy? Green fluff, I lied about the yellow part.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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