Carl has 300 candy bars. He eats 295. What does Carl have? Diabetes. Carl has diabetes.

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What is blue and smells like blue paint? Blue paint.

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why was the black man wearing a ski mask? he was skiing.

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What's black and white and red all over? A pile of dead, mixed-race babies.

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A caterpillar and its mom (a butterfly) come upon a lion eating an antelope. The caterpillar says "Mom, why is the lion so mean to the antelope?" The mom replies: "it's the circle of life." The next day, the caterpillar and his mom witness a bird of prey swooping down and eating a mouse. The caterpillar asks why the bird of prey is so mean and the mom responds by saying its the circle of life. The next day, the caterpillar and its mom come across a trail of dead animals. They follow the trail to the end where they see a great lion. The mom opens her mouth to say its the circle of life when her son jumps up and eats the lion. THE END.

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The first few weeks of joining weight-watchers...you're just finding your feet.

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Q) What's worse than getting dumped by text? A) Getting hit by a fridge.

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Q:Whats rhe best part about spinning a baby round and round Stopping it with a shovel

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Why was Sally crying? Because she had a frog stapled to her face.

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What did the apple say to the orange? The apple did not say anything at all because fruits do not possess the ability of speech.

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What do a magazine and a banana have in common? They both have pages, except for the banana.

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Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? Everywhere.

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What did the kid say to the ginger? You're gay.

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Why did the beachball get sad after it was deflated? Beachballs don't have emotions.

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What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

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Your mom is so fat, she suffers from heart disease, high blood pressure, and type 2 diabetes.

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Wal-mart didn't have the product I wanted. So I yelled at the manager until they had it. It didn't work and i was taken to jail.

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a fat man walks into a bar and gets laughed at because his shoes are untied

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What did the business man say to the homeless person? Get a job

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Two men walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O!" The second man says "I'll have some H2O too!" Both men get water, because the bartender knows better than to give someone dihydrogen dioxide.

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why did the boy trip off a cliff? because he was clumsy.

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learn the ropes?

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Q. what is the difference between a black man and a park bench A. a parkbench can support a family A black man cannot

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Why was the American patriot sad that Bin-Laden was killed? Because he wanted to take him back to America to touture him.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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