Last night, I awoke to the unsettling sound of an alarm. My initial thought was fire. However, after analyzing the situation, I realized that it was only my alarm clock. I turned off the alarm clock, and got out of bed. Then my brother walked in my room and hit me in the face with a toaster.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms Knock, Knock. Who's there? Not Sarah...

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What happens when you cross a kangaroo and an elephant? Absolutely nothing. The two belong to entirely different animal families and their reproductive abilities are totally incompatible. A kangaroo could never fertilize an elephant, or vice versa. To suggest anything else is unrealistic and a physical impossibility.

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While walking along the beach, a man stubs his toe on a half buried lamp. He picks it up, dusts it off, and a enormous Genie appears in front of him. "You have released me from my 10,000 year imprisonment. I will grant you 3 wishes to repay you." says the Genie. The man quickly uses his 1st wish for wealth and the 2nd for the love of a beautiful woman. Unable to think of a 3rd wish and seeing the sunken look on the Genie's face, he wished for the Genie's freedom. The Genie uses his unrestrained powers to kill the man, resurrect Hitler and enslave the human race.

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waiter! waiter! theres a fly in my soup! the waiter immediately retrieved a new soup and gave them a 50% discount for the misshap.

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What's the difference between tiger woods and Santa clause? Tiger woods is a thug

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nothing, animals are in capable of formal cumunication.

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knock knock - "who's there" - "i'm a escaped convict who's here to murder you and rob your house" - "Well come in the doors already open"

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Why did the black man cross the road? To show the chicken that it isn't that hard.

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An Atheist sneezed. Everyone around him said, "God bless you." He thanked them and continued on with his day.

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What's long, brown, and runs across a family's backward? A fence.

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Why did peter fall off his bike? Because Peter is a goldfish.

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David Copperfield (the magician you moron). "I will now perform my greatest act yet!" Everyone applauded as he put the screaming woman (for effects you know) into the first end of the meatgrinder, and surprisingly grinded meat came out the other side! And the woman? She disappeared... forever! *applause* Moral: BRAVO! BRAVO!

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I've got a dig bick

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What is yellow outside, black inside, and makes you laugh when it falls? A school bus full of black people falling from a clif

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Knock Knock Whose there? Me! Hi

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Cheetahs run at an alarmingly fast rate for short periods of time. Until I shoot them with harpoons.

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Why did the puppy get shot? It lived in Detroit.

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why did the chicken cross the road? there was chicken food on the other side

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whats purple, extinct, and smells like children? barney

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what do you call some one with no arms and no legs? names.

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Hey guys I'm more of a Nets fan.

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Q: What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? A: A lot of things.

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"Aids" "What?" "Yup, you just got aids­­­."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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