Why did the ship crash into Italy? Because a woman took over driving it!

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What did the skeleton say when he was horny? Nothing. Skeletons are not living and therefore cannot be horny.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven's dad owned a shot gun.

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what do you call a bear with socks on A bear with socks on

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Why did the bus crash? What, you were expecting an answer? I was asking you

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Why are there no aspirin factories in the Amazon Rainforest? Because it would be unprofitable to build a factory that requires a large workforce in an uninhabited area.

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what do u say when u see your tv floating in the middle of the night? drop it n*****

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A duck quacks in a mountain range. No one on or nearby the mountains hears the duck because ducks' quacks don't echo.

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No, Trinidad.

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Knock Knock Whose there? Yes I am a convicted child molester and by state law I must go door-to-door explaining the many cruel and vigorous crimes I have committed.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You smell like lead, I did a poo.

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An old lady at an atm told me to check her balance So i pushed her over

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What's yellow and goes up and down? A banana in an elevator.

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Batman and Superman switched sidekicks. Superman didn't want Robin.

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What did the turtle say to the hare? Nothing. Animals can't speak.

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How many pancakes does it take to fill up a doghouse? None, because ice cream doesn't have bones.

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What happened to truck full of watermelons careening down the hill? After panicking, the driver was able to gain composure, and shifting the truck into a lower gear, was able to deliver the track safely to the side of the road at the bottom of the ill, where he sat down alongside of the road under the shade of an apple tree, sucking on delicious watermelon.

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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Why was the pizza mad? Because he was going thorough a growth spurt and the testosterone got to him.

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A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen and warns him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and otherwise damaging consequences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

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You know what likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.

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If your scared of paedophiles..... grow up

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What do you call a black woman working at a bar? A Bartender. What do you call an asian woman working at a bar? A Bartender.

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Your mom is so stupid she makes stupid people look not stupid.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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