Two men walk into a bar. They get drunk and leave. 2 hours later there's a newscast about two drunken men who died in a car accident. It wasn't them, the newscast about them came shortly after

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Q: What can you never see in the light, but you can in the dark? A: Darkness.

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What is black and blue and really is not in the mood for sex? The new girl at the women's shelter.

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Why did the girl fall off of her highchair? Her father threw an axe at her.

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms.

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Why did the man's legs start shaking when he saw the attractive women? There was an earthquake

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Wanna hear a joke? Twilight

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was the most direct path to his destination.

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what do you call some one with no arms and no legs? names.

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What did the psycho killer order for dessert? Ice Cream.

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What did the kid say when his parents were killed? Nothing. He's a vegetable

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A woman buys a man a Valentine's Day present.

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What did little Timmy get his grandmother for Christmas? A coffin

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what's the best way to eat a dead baby? stewed into chili with jalepeno cheddar corn bread on the side

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A. Knock Knock. B. Who's there? A. Orange. B. Orange who? A. Orange you glad your retarded because you think oranges can talk?

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I don't know about anybody else, but I just watched a part of a My Little Pony episode, and there's something about them that makes you want to come back and watch more. It's wierd, like mind control. Has anyone noticed this?

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My did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Who would win in a chess duel between Ender Wiggin and Artemis Fowl? Artemis Fowl will calculate the optimal path to move his pieces. Ender Wiggin will calculate the optimal path to kill the queen, so all the other pieces just sort of fall down.

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Q: What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? A: They both have handlebars except for the duck!

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

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I just flew here from Cleveland, and boy are my arms tired! The people on either side of me were hogging the armrests, so I had to kind of tuck my arms up behind my head and it was very uncomfortable.

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What does AIDS smell like? AIDS has no smell. AIDS is a diease contracted though sexual contact with another being with the diease. It greatly increases the risk of infections and malignancy. Although AIDS has no smell, in the final stages large sores develope on the surface of the skin. This means you are going to die. Thus, HIV/AIDS has no smell.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They had several drinks, conversed animatedly, and heartily enjoyed themselves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops