There was once a family of tomatoes. A daddy tomato a mommy tomato and a baby tomato. they decided one day to take a walk. but the baby was taking forever so the daddy tomato walked back STOMPED on him and yelled "CATCHUP"

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What happened to jimmy when he stepped on a rusty nail? He died of of tetanus.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Yo Mama is so old that she is probably unable to become pregnant.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call something thats mostly made of wood, big, round and stupid A retarded version of the Knights of the round table

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Abbie im pretty sure your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory

thumb_up thumb_down +23

The king has three daughters. One day, one of the daughters comes into his room and asks, "Father, why is my name Rose?" King replies,"well, a rose petal fell on your head when you were a baby." The next day, the second daughter comes into his room and asks,"Father, why is my name Tulip?" the king replies,"A tulip fell on your head when you were a bay." On the next day, the final daughter comes in and says, "BLAJSFUAGHASRAKKKKKK." The king says,"Shut up, Cinderblock."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call four friends spending a wild night in Las Vegas that they can't rember the next day? A rip off of the Hangover

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did the kid cry? He had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin Mobile By: jb lshs

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A Black man and a racist walk into a bar. There was a ruckus.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's the difference between an ostridge? It can neither fly.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A tree falls in the woods. A deaf boy, who had been frolicking through the forest, is struck down by the tree. He dies. His parents are ridden with grief for years, until finally the father commits suicide. The mother soon remarried and had two more children. Both died before the age of 15. She was a horrible mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: How do you stop a baby from crying? A: You hit it with brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did Anne Frank do this weekend? Nothing. she died in the holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Brad Fuller!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: whats the fastest way to a woman's heart? A: A knife to the ribs...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What has eight legs and one eye? Two chairs and half a pigs face.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Yo mamas so fat she weighs more than other people

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the black kid get for his birthday?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Four blonds are driving to Disney World when they come across a sign that says Disney World left... So they take the left and enjoy themselves at the place many considered the most wonderful place in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? A. An ambulance due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Marvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in his final moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed, Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvin motioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen and paper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper and lovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had a chance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feeling that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the note in his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speaking that the Preacher suddenly remembered the note. Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “and you know what, I suddenly remembered that right before Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowing Marvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we can all gain from. With that introduction the Preacher ripped out the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I'm trying to see from Adam Fantuzzi's point of view but i cant stick my head that far up my arse Daniel

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops