what do you tell a woman with one black eye? "sorry about that wild ball, you played a fantastic softball game otherwise"

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I met a fat girl and fucked her on an elevator. . . It was wrong on so many levels.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Nothing, animals are in capable of formal cumunication.

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You shouldn't have expectations. They make ex out of pect and tations.

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How is a frog similar to a corn dog? They both have really long tongues, except for the corn dog

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What do you call a man in a pool with no arms and legs? Bob

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anti jokes are like chickens. they arent funny at all. which makes them funny...

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you know what rhymes with sloth. rape

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How do you get 100 people in one car. You can't.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimers Roses are red Violets are....

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A black man with a blond beard came to deliver me a pizza. I paid him, tipped him, and closed my door. I forgot the pizza. Dammit.

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What do you call an Arab man flying a plane? A pilot.

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Q:Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A:The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

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Where did Susie go when her town was bombed? Everywhere.

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Chrismas? Cancer. What did he get for his birthday? Nothing, he didn't live that long

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Whats black, white, and red all over? A severely beaten and bruised man who was found un conscience and robbed in a dark parking lot behind Dennys at 2 o'clock in the morning.

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What's brown and green, has six legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get hit by a car

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What's the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies? A pile of dead babies is a horrible tragedy.

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A Mexican got stopped by the police. Turns out it was a mistake and the man lived a happy life in America

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A white man, a black man, an Asian man, a Mexican man, a subasian man, an Austrailian man, and a Canadian white man. That's it.

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Would anyone like to contribute to my slush fund?

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Your momma so fat, she's fat

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops