How do you stop a train? You don't, unless your the conductor in which case you would hit the brake.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

how many times did lucy's mom drop her baby on its head? none, her mom died giving birth.....

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Austin is gay. He goes to River Road. And is a sophomore.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why was the woman?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

When is a door not a door? Never.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a tomato

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I tell the Doctor I'm having pains in my chest. He says that sounds serious and admits me immediately to the hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Knock knock Who's there? I Love You! -Harrison

thumb_up thumb_down +10

knock knock who's there? the milk man the milk man who? the milk man who brings your milk every morning

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what do u call a black person by his name

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many chickens does it take for a cow to count on Tuesday? The same reason a horse got fired for seven plus one blue red green.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats worse than getting a parking ticket? The Bubonic Plague

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A priest, a monk, and a rabbi walk into a bar. They order drinks and keep the conversation to non-controversial topics.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you get when you cross a turtle and a kangaroo? A hybrid combination of the two that is characterized by specific traits of both animals.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

justin beiber is having intimate sex with a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A doctor, a farmer, and a blonde walk into a bar. The doctor orders red wine because he knows it's good for the heart. The farmer orders a Piña Colada because he likes fruit. The two men wait eagerly to what the blonde is about to order. The blonde opens her purse and says "Damn it, I can't find my credit card." Suddenly, a handsome young gentleman walks up to her says "Don't worry miss, I'll buy a drink for you. What are you having?" The blonde looks up and says "Don't worry? I just lost my credit card!" In a fit a of anger, the blonde storms out the bar and doesn't order anything.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, living in the mountains? A: Cliff Q: What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs, living on the beach? A: Sandy Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? A: A victim of a serious crime, where murder was committed and the killer has a sick and twisted mind because he first cut off the man's arms and legs then nailed him to the wall with wooden pegs. Puppies.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What do you get when you cut a stick of butter? a butt.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

how big is the moon? why the hell are you asking me?...dumbass.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

My dog has no dictionary. How does he spell terrible?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

The dinosaurs aren't really extinct. Just kidding.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: why did the blind man walk off the bridge? A: because he was blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what's the last thing you want to hear during surgery? your wife complaining

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops