So I was walking down the road today

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Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Heisenberg...

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What do you call it when the sh*t hits the fan? The sh*t hits the fan.

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Knock Knock Come in.

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Whats sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going off a cliff? A Caddy fits five.

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Where did the boy go after the explosion? Everywhere

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How do you kill a ninja? Shoot it.

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Whats the thing you least expect to find on Anti-Joke? A joke with a punchline.

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How many black ppm does it take to screw in a light bulb All of them, plus 1 white guy.

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Where do pimps go when they retire? Idaho.

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Roses are grey, Violets are grey, I'm a dog.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Nobody, you got ding-dong-ditched

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What's worse than a dead baby inside a microwave? A microwave inside a dead baby.

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Why did the dinosaurs die out? Because you touch yourself at night.

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Whats worse then getting caught watching porn? 9/11

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Why did I write this anti-joke? Because I am generally not that funny.

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Q:Whats rhe best part about spinning a baby round and round Stopping it with a shovel

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Why don't women have breasts? Because they have dandruff. Get it? Hint: "dandruff" = "dan druff"

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Knock knock Who's there? Doctor. Doctor who? Dr. Jeremy Brown, I have your results from the blood test. It's good news they came back negative. Hooray.

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How many Babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them

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What's black and hanging on a tree in my backyard? Blackberries.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He is embarrassed but realises it has nothing to do with his dyslexia.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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