What's black and white and red all over? Nothing, becuse if something is red all over it cannot be black nor white.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

An iman, a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. It's not the same bar. They feel uncomfortable mixing together and this makes me sad.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

a boy with asperges asked me a question today he asked me again and again because he has asperges

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the woman buy peanut butter and a puppy? Her husband just died. She was trying to fill the void in her soul with junk food and companionship.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than Jedward? Nothing. They are really and truly awful.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

uh uh uh uh .... oh i swallowed my gum

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you make transportation in Harlem easier? Fix the roads and put in more stoplights.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the Mexican overdose on to die. Nothing, he died of old age

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did johanne buy when she got pregnant? A staircase

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what did hercules parents tell him? You're adopted

thumb_up thumb_down +7

knock knock who is there? Jehovah's Witness... IT IS the desire of Jehovah's Witnesses that you become better acquainted with them. You may have met them as neighbors and fellow employees or in other daily affairs of life. You may have seen them on the street, offering their magazines to passersby. Or you may have spoken briefly with them at your door. Actually, Jehovah's Witnesses are interested in you and your welfare. They want to be your friends and to tell you more about themselves, their beliefs, their organization, and how they feel about people and the world in which all of us live. To accomplish this, they have prepared this brochure for you. In most ways Jehovah's Witnesses are like everyone else. They have normal problems—economic, physical, emotional. They make mistakes at times, for they are not perfect, inspired, or infallible. But they try to learn from their experiences and diligently study the Bible to make needed corrections. They have made a dedication to God to do his will, and they apply themselves to fulfill this dedication. In all their activities they seek guidance from God's Word and his holy spirit.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got ran over by a car

thumb_up thumb_down +7

If there are 2 narwhals and two apples, why is each of the narwhals happy? Because each is a narwhal.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Uh no, yogurt as in the bacteria that they add to milk in order to make the finished product yogurt. You see, while the effect is seen in twins (for example if one twin gets raped, the other gets a fucking sore ass) Sorry, I am still under trance here myself, you get out of it, I am gonna have some fun, go splash some water on your face. I mean people go like "woah that is impossible it only happens in rare cases and so on right?" Fun stuff: Yogurt, you can seal yogurt in a steel container miles away after separating its culture (basically having a colony living together and then moving them away from each other as in 30000 kilometers and sealing them in soundproof safe`s and whatnot. Feed one half of the yogurt, and the other one far far away begins munching into thin air, now keep the food close to the yogurt, and the bacteria will begin "begging for it" (as in when baby chicks notice the parent has arrived with food), and so will the culture of yogurt sealed in a safe 30000 miles away. Why? Living in similar states, brings a natural connection, we are attracted to similarities, and as far as the human knowledge of the LAW of attraction goes, distance is not a factor, look it up, or just believe me.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

25 kids go into the water. shark in the water. 10 come out. Ice cream man deals with the rest of 'em.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? A: Oh, I'm terribly sorry sir, I’ll replace this with a fresh bowl of soup and I’ll have a word with the manager to see if we can deduct a sum from your bill for the inconvenience we have caused you

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q. How do you make an oil lamp turn off? A. Break it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 was having illicit sexual relationships with 9, of which 6 knew about, but was afraid to inform his wife, 8, who 7 stepped over to get to 9.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hey. I have to ask you a serious question. Okay. what? You can only answer with yes or no. Okay what is it? Do your parents know your gay? .....

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because it would be hazardous to other motorists well-being.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

yo mama so stupid that when she stared at an orange jucie carton for 20 minutes cause it said consatrate

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why does people with tourettes curse so much? Fuck should I know?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

roses are red viloits are blue Bernard is hot but then i led to you

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops