Why was the kid picking his nose. Because someone shoved a bomb in it.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Set an alarm for a reasonable hour.

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Why did Joe wake up screaming? Because his wife cut off his penis.

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Religion.

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What's spongy and smells of treacle? Treacle sponge

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A man walked in the kitchen with a gun. He made a sandwich.

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What does a gay horse eat? Low-energy foods should only be fed to horses who are not regularly being worked and participating in high performance. According to the University of Kentucky's College of Agriculture, energy is vital to horses who need to perform their best as it aids many of the body's functions including muscle contraction, respiration and circulation. Only feed a low-energy diet to an idle horse and feed a high-energy diet to an older or sickly horse and to a working horse.

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why was the black man wearing a ski mask? he was skiing.

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One man calls emergency: - Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom! After five minutes, the same man calls back: - It is OK, I found another one.

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A black guy and a white guy both get pulled over by a cop for speeding. The white guy is promptly released with a stern warning, whle the black guy is thouroughly questioned and has his car searched for drugs, with the probable cause being that the black guy has bloodshot eyes, reeks of weed and has a bong in his frontseat.

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Fred used to only visit his parents in the hospitals on weekends, because that was his only free time. Now his parents are dead and he has more free time.

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Q. What's the difference between a Mcdonalds employee and a gynecologist? A. They have different jobs.

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Knock knock Who there? A mute Bullshit

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Q. Why was the blonde fired from the M+M factory? A.She was addicted to meth.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? like most animals that wander onto the road, it was completely unaware that the road can be very dangerous. It didn't go onto the road on purpose, it simply treated the road as if it was just like the rest of the ground.

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whats worse than getting the girl you're talking to taken from you? getting the girl you like taken from you.. by a asian.

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Cows are land manatees.

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Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass...! I said "ass" a lot, sorry for the language

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread

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What color is red paint? Red

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Roses are red Violets are blue I rather sleep in the class Like a boss in the school -HairyBoss

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What happened to the man that walked into the bar... He walked into the bar

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Your mamma used to be fat till Slim Fast came out with dick flavor!

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What do you call an englishman who wakes up in Africa Confused

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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