Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse, incapable of understanding the human language promptly shits on the floor then leaves.

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A guy sitting at a bar was getting really impatient for his drink, so when the bartender asked if everything was fine, he yelled, "No, it's not! Where the f*** is my drink?!" The bartender replied, "I'm not sure what you're asking, 'cause I don't know what letters the asterisks are replacing."

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Why did little Timmy start crying? He was shot.

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What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment.

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Why did the kid fall off his swing? Because his mum threw a fridge at him.

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4

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How do you get a blond to fall over? Shoot her with a shotgun.

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How do you minimize the likelihood of theft? Take the derivative.

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bish bash bosh giz a nosh

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why did the girl break up with her boyfriend? hes gay

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Let's go burn down an orphanage, what are they gonna do tell their parents?

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because it thought that it would somehow increase its chances of survival.

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This is not a joke.

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What is worse than standing on a plug? finding out your family have all been killen in a horrible car crash and your neighbours daughter who happens to be your friend has cancer.

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Why didn't the girl take her hairbrush to school? She has cancer and all her hair fell out.

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Whats bloody and is dead. My son.

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Why were there a series of riots in london? The police shot and killed a man who was threatening them and thus caused his friends to get angry and caused other people to lose control.

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How do you change you dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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Come In!

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Q: why does the fire breather hate his job A: his parents were burned to death MR

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Lettuce. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! AAAAHHHH!

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Why couldn't Sally ride a bike? She was disabled

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What starts with "m" and rhymes with monkey? Platypus

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops