What's Mary short for? She's got no legs.

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Q: what is long hard and full of seamen A: a submarine

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Knock, Knock Who's There? (Silence) Wondering who was there, the man opened the door, to find a baby in a basket in front of him.

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You know how I felt about Nero, no way id ever date anyone but you, back then that is. Fine I will come along, I bet you left the base at "point zero" without the information he left, you have not changed a bit Seth, always too impulsive for your own good, but Nero was always like that and that, turned out, well damn. Tell me first, if you come get me, how much have you really changed mentally from the last time we met? You sincerely sound like a psychopath and I could use a shoulder to cry on rather than be escorted to some sick torture dungeon thing. I gather you are not far away, could you please get over here asap? I do not care about more than the standard code anymore, you have not changed much, except you are a deranged psychopath now, I get it, in your place I think id do the same, I have no idea how bad Nero was doing when you found him, and I sure as hell dont want to know.

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released into a nearby park.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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Do you know what's not right? Left.

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I was Writing and i broke my pencil

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A man walk into a bar. Just kidding he has no legs.

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Another cat joke. You gotta be kitten me.

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Ask if I'm a aardvark. Are you a aardvark? Yes.

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Get off my porch.

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How do you stop a plane? Land it.

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Why was the mexican being lazy? Because he lead a very successful life and retired early and now can enjoy the luxury of the finer things in life.

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Knock knock whos there? I have no anus

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What's worse than a duck with one leg? A nuclear explosion

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There once was a man from Peru. He dreamt he was eating his shoe. He woke with a fright, In the middle of the night, To find a man had murdered his wife and children.

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Knock Knock… Who is there? Orange. Orange Who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana? Actually I really wish you did, because I am Hypokalemic and am about to die you asshole.

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? Ask him to come down.

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Friends are like snowflakes, they go away when you pee on them.

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Moo! I'm a goat!

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Knock Knock Who's There? Jerry Jerry Who? Jerry Sandusky, I've come to rape your kids.

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Carl has 300 candy bars. He eats 295. What does Carl have? Diabetes. Carl has diabetes.

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There once was a man from Nantucket But then he moved to Boston and changes his name to "man from Boston"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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