What would a prostitute do if she was given a million dollars? She would probably diversify her portfolio. First, she would pay her rent. She would buy some groceries and a present for her mother. She would then invest it in stocks and low-yield bonds. She would they buy a vehicle. This win might not affect her continuance in her job.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a man who buys flowers, chocolates, and new jewelry for his wife? A kind, considerate husband.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the gambler sell his house? Because he needed money to pay for male hookers.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Justin Bieber.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is a homeless man for Halloween? A garbage bag

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Your mother is a stupid bitch. For real.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Look whos talking Matt Critchley

thumb_up thumb_down +1

I was at work today and whilst staring at my beautiful colleague I realised how hard it had got. So I quit

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's the difference between Izzy and a hobo? Nothing...they both have no job and no friends

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's brown and sticky? The faeces of a glue stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why are you so fat? Cause I eat a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

please dis this joke, I want to get to the bottom of the leaderboard!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do 9 out of 10 people like? Gang rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hitler arrives at his neighbor's barmitzfah... fashionably late.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was the black man in prison? He was wrongly accused of a felony and the jury by whom he was tried was largely racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

how many babies does it take to paint a barn? depends on how hard you can throw them

thumb_up thumb_down +1

*ahem* what? what. oh I thought you said something

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you get when you mix red and blue? Gang violence.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Roses are red, violets are blue, f*** you, f*** you.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How did the man drown the fish? He ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why do you not play poker with a cheetah. 1. Animals can't play card games. 2. Cheetahs are carnivores. Think about it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Whats the difference between a jewish man wearing a fedora and glass of almond milk? Ones a glass of almond milk.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Chuck Norris doesn't wait in traffic, he takes the subway

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man went to the doctor, complaining about not feeling well after dancing the night before. The doctor quickly rushed to the surgeon to get ready for the liver transplant that had to take place.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops