What kind of condoms do cows use? None.

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All the other dinosaurs were laughing and teasing the tyrannosaurus because of his tiny arms. They left and the T.rex was sobbing uncontrollably next to a giant fern. "What's the matter little fellow?" said Jesus. The crying dinosaur looked down and said "I That's the end of my stupid puppet show, cuz I couldn't think of anything a blubbering dinosaur would say to our Lord and saviour.

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What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? hello is anybody there? hello?....... .....the number your trying to reach has been removed please hang up the door knob and put the squirrel back in the lawnmower were belongs

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, But words can leave deep psychological wounds that may never heal.

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Is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Getting AIDS.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it got run over on the way there.

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How does a pirate get to work? His CAAAARRRR! Where does the pirate go after work? The BAAAARRRR! How does the pirate get home from the bar? A taxi. A pirate doesn't drive after consuming alcohol.

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There was a fat man crying. I just told him the local Mc D's was arson attacked.

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How do you get rid of an STD? You give it to someone else.

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Why was the man called Big Larry? His name was Larry and he was morbidly obese.

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whats the difference between marmalade and jam? you cant marmalade ur cock up a girls arse

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What kind of doctors would you call A 30 year old chimpanzee? I would say "Plastic surgeon" but that would be unscrupulous to the chimpanzees because the tearing off or "lifting" of the owners face is because they are just animals. And should have never been kept in captivity that long anyways.

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Why does Jeremy Kyle love his job? Because he gets to make idiots look like bigger idiots.

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Q:What did the giraffe say to the sunflower? A:I like your shoelaces!

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How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit him in the face with an ax.

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Why did the woman cross the road? She didn't. They are no roads in the kitchen.

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong WALKS on the moon. Michael Jackson rapes little boys

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Stare at the person nearest to you and say "sprinkles" with the straightest face possible.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? There aren't pineapples in the ocean.

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If only i were a man! You not! Your a.... WO-MAN!

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how many cookies did the fat kid eat? a perfectly reasonable amount of cookies.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Your Adopted Deal With It!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops