In Soviet Russia You drive car, because a car driving you would be screwed up

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What happens when you leave Toby alone in your house? He eats your carpet, some pillows, ur dog, ned, neds dog and a glass panel. This is why 2 +h = plugger +Mount Everest (I is potato annoying). Bonjour.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you do when your speeding and a cop is right behind you? make a complete stop and hope for the best

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock Knock ? Whose's there ? The person you should be opening the door for The person you should be opening the door for who? Oh my god Frank open the goddamn door

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Six hats walk out of a garden. When mustard offal fruit paps.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you do on Mother's Day? This is not a joke, I don't know what to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a blond walks in to a post... OUCH

thumb_up thumb_down +3

John has 7 apples and Lisa has 4 apples John eats 3 apples and Lisa eats 1 apple and give another to John Their diets lacks various essential nutrients

thumb_up thumb_down +3

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "God" "Then come right in!"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

thumb_up thumb_down +3

U mad?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

25 kids go into the water. shark in the water. 10 come out. Ice cream man deals with the rest of 'em.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's worse than being caught in a downpour? Having your kneecaps ripped out of their sockets.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What's the difference between sheetrock and drywall? A: nothing. It's just two names for the same thing.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A guy walks into a restaurant. "What would you like?" says the waiter. "A glass of orange juice," replies the man.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yesterday I saw a black kid outrun a white kid know why? Because the white kid was a cripple

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If the covalent bonds of two Hydrogen atoms and one Oxygen atom creates water, which subs are currently on the 5-dollar-foot-long menu at Subway?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because as an animal with legs it is highly capable of doing such as it pleases.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Me: Ask me if in a giraffe You: Are you a giraffe Me: no

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was there a black guy in the back of a police car? He was caught stealing

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why does Rupert The Bear wear checkered trousers? Because he's a twat.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What would the funeral home do without a dead person? Wait until the next appiontment

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Wanna hear a joke? Twilight

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops