can i have 10 pounds to go to the cinema?

thumb_up thumb_down

A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

thumb_up thumb_down

Anyone??????????/

thumb_up thumb_down

whats the best thing ever to happen to chuk norris ? he was born !!!!

thumb_up thumb_down

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

thumb_up thumb_down

A dyslexic man walks into a bar. His own feelings of inadequacy over his learning disability have driven him to drink and is driving a wedge between him and his family

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red Violets are blue I have 5 fingers The third one is for you

thumb_up thumb_down

Call me a banana. You're a banana. No I'm not

thumb_up thumb_down

Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? No.

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are Roses Violets are Violets I am to Literal, That is a statement.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 is bigger.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay is irrelevant.

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke-'er-face

thumb_up thumb_down

How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 27

thumb_up thumb_down

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was Sally rolling in the grass? She was on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down

A women frantically calls the doctor and says, " Doctor, doctor, give me the news! I have a bad case of loving you."

thumb_up thumb_down

How do you get a blind man out of a tree? Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q. Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? A. Because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock Knock Who's There AT&T Guy Mom it's for you

thumb_up thumb_down -2

whats brown and sticky? shit

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How many pairings of animals did Moses collect before the rain started? 1. 500 2. 50000 3. 500000000 4. Nobody really knows 5. It was Noah... Moral: Lol.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops