How do you fit an elephant inside your car?: Starve it to death, then chop it in pieces.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it saw food on the other side the the farmer was going to chop his head off.

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What's black, white, and red all over? An ovulating mulatto woman.

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What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot.

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Why did the kid get out of school at twelve? He left early with a stomach ache

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Violets are blue, Roses are red, I like to mix up my poems.

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Today's Horoscope for Cancer: You have Cancer.

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Did you know Hellen Keller's dog ran away? You would have to if your name was RaAeltraERKAERMaelaefa

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Why did the black man fall down? A guy pushed him.

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What did the monk give to the cancer patient? His love and reassurance.

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what did one bean say to the other bean??? hows it been.

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(read this aloud): A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. Him and the giraffe order multiple shots and get hammered. The giraffe on the other hand can't hold his liquor so well, and ends up passing out on the floor of the bar. The man decides to leave him there and take off. On his way out, the bartender yells, "Hey, you can't just leave that lyin' there!" and the man says, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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A zucchini is walking down the street, when he spots a cucumber club on his left hand side. Having nothing else to do he decides to walk in. When he walks into the club all of the cucumbers stop and stare at this strange being in their club. Finally, after having one too many drinks, one cucumber decides that this ridiculousness has gone on long enough and it is up to him to say something, so he goes up to the zucchini and says, "Hey buddy, what's your problem, clearly you are in a cucumber club and you're a zucchini." The zucchini just looks at him, puzzled, and responds " A cucumber club? I thought this was a ucumber club!!!!!"... It's funny because zucchinis are dyslexic.

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A married couple is arguing over the temperature in their house. The wife wants it at 62 degrees and the husband wants it at 74. What should they do? Nothing while they are arguing their daughter decides to put it at 32 and freeze them to death

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It's that time of the month again... ...to cut my toenails.

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24... wait i thought of something better than 24... let me hear it... 25!!!!

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What's worse then an adult dying A baby dying

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what do they do to dead Mexicans? skin them and make them in to wet suites.

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giddy goat

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What's wrong with Barney? He's big and purple.

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A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and ponders why his mother gave him the name, "A neutron."

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If a woman was born in China, raised in France and got married and died in New Orleans, what is she? Dead.

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Dan was friends with Dick. Dick likes to give massages to Dan. Dan's favorite is Dickie's special mixture. He will remember Dick, his favorite personal assisatant for life. CREEPER

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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