Why did the fish swim away from the boat when the fishermen put him back in the water? Because he obviously wasn't gonna get back in the boat.

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A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint. "Well it's like this Doc, when I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes I start to sing 'The green green grass of home'. If I see a cat then it's 'What's new, pussy cat?'. It's so embarrassing, even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was 'Delilah', and my wife was not amused!" "Yes, it would apear that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome." "Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man. "Yes," replied the doctor, "It is very uncommon."

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A girl and a boy where sitting on a couch together. The boy told the girl politly that she hass gained a significant amount of weight and should lose it. She then pulled out a candy bar in her back pocket and shoved it down his throat, to which he suffocated, because she was on her period when to comment was made.

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oh hai

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A black man with a blond beard came to deliver me a pizza. I paid him, tipped him, and closed my door. I forgot the pizza. Dammit.

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Scenario: A man is being mugged in an alley Mugger: Give me your wallet! I have a gun! Victim: You don't have the balls. Mugger: Oh yeah! I have 3 balls! Victim: Well I have 2, you should probably get that checked.

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Q. On a scale of 1-100, how immature are you? A. 69.

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what do you call a man with no friends? it's because of all the wear and tear that's done to the socks being thrown in her, and she desanitizes only the nun with no forebeard

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Q:Why Did the Black people die in there car A: They were Homeless

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A little boy uses a horrible curse against his classmate. The classmate is so angry he tells the teacher. The teacher is so astounded at the little boy's use of language he sends him to the principal. When the principal hears of the foul language he's so ashamed he calls the police. The police can't believe the little boy said such a bad word, they think he deserves to go to court. The court dates are set up. When the Judge hears of the hate words he can think of no other worthy punishment except prison until he turns 21. After the kid is let out he heads for the bar across town where all the ex-prisoners go. He orders up a drink, bartender asks "What'd you do?". The kid explains the curse to the bartender. The barkeep becomes so upset that he kicks the kid out of the bar. While crossing the street to go to another bar he gets hit by a truck. Whats the moral of the story? Look both ways before crossing the street....

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Whats worse than getting raped by a monkey The fact that you actually got raped by a monkey

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Why did the Kitty stop meowing? Because its dead.

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My mom always said it was fun to jump into a pile of leaves... That was before she was devoured by a 10 ft. scorpion.

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why did the plane crash? because fenton was driving it..."THE DEER HAD TO DIE"

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what is so fun about having sex with twenty six year olds? There is a high possibility their breasts have developed, thus equaling more pleasure for you.

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What is the best way to put out a fire? Stop, drop and have an 0rgy.

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A monkey and his owner walk into a bar they sit down at the bar... I dont know the rest of the joke but your moms a whore

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a man walks into a bar after a long day at work, and asks for a drink. he finishes, pays the bill and leaves a handsome tip for the bartender and heads home.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are simple-minded creatures and perhaps there was some source of food on the other side.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue... Hold on. Roses could be white too.

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Why were trash man's hands dirty? He got shot in the leg and desperately tried to get the bullet out with his hands and got blood all over them and ass he was running to the hospital he tripped into shit.

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(SAY KATCHUP AND LICKER AFTER EVERY SENTENCE) FOR BREAKFEAST I HAD (KATCHUP AND LICKER) FOR LUNCH I HAD I SEE MY GIRL FRIEND AT THE MALL SO I (KATCH UP AND LICK HER

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What is the diffrence between a monkey... An apple because the more the much. :) :| :| :|

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Why did the duck cross the road? Because it was going to the destination he wanted to go to.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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