I hate it when I get an erection and it pushes Pluto out of orbit.

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What does the Fawkes say? "Remember, remember, the 5th of November..."

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"You know what sucks?" "vaccuums?" "you know what meteforically sucks?" "Black holes?" "you what just isn't cool?" "Lava?"

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A child is watching Saturday cartoons when is father walks in and, the child is aware that the father was on an all night binge and is verbally abused

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Knock knock! who's there? Excuse me sir can I have a moment to talk to you about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

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Doctor doctor, I came here as quickly as possible, it was just the nearest place I could find. My dog he... he's panting and bleeding and I don't know what to do I think he's dying and I just want him to hold on... Please... Well then go to a vet you stupid shit.

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What do yo get when you cross an insomniac,an agnostic, and a dyslexic. A very troubled man.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? It's hard to say, as this number depends on a large number of factors including the average area covered by one lick, the pH of saliva, the solubility of Tootsie Pops, the temperature of both the saliva and the Tootsie Pop, and the amount of saliva deposited on the Tootsie Pop after each lick. This is not to mention all the manufacturing irregularities that may occur during production, and varying tongue shapes and solvency properties of saliva.

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A: Who keeps knocking on the wall? B: My neighbors have sex a lot. A: We should knock back.

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Q:what has two legs and bleeds A: a dog cut in half

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my mom just came up and saw me masturbateing

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To return to the roost he had recently escaped.

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Why does the groom wear a black tux? Because he knows a funeral when he sees one.

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What' do you call a fart in a box? Your mom's puzsy

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What is black and is good at stealing stuff? a ninja.

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I may have alzheimer's but at least I don't have alzheimer's.

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Knock Knock? Who's There? Not a Jehovah's Witness, let me in!

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A Priest, Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar... i forgot the rest of the joke, but your mothers a whore!

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Q: What's long and gray and kills people? A: A gas pipe.

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What's funnier than 24? 25

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Two english guys meet at work

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How much wood would a woodchuck chu... Forget this, this is overused.

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Why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a pineapple

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The Rock: What is your name? Jeff: My name is... The Rock: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops