how do you get a clown off a swing??? hit him in the back with an ax!

-Knock Knock -Who's there? -John. -Hey John, come on in.

Where do fat girls go to eat doughnuts? Jenny Craig

squirrels playing in the street=dez bryant playing tennis

What did the tree say to himself? Gee-oma-tree( get it geometry say it outloud)

Whys the Elephant afraid of the mouse? i dont know im not an Zoologist

Wanna hear a joke? Twilight

Why couldn't the fireman get over the hill? Because he was dead.

What did the blonde do at the WTC on 9/11? Die.

Why can't you fly? Cause Ruddell says so.

What's 9+10? 19

Donald Trump

This made my day: The Japanese verb "to drink" is "nomimasu". [L]

Yo mama so fat that.....NooNoooNooooooo (strips)

?J?o?k?e?

You know I can, and I already have, as once the mind knows its getting certain medications, it spends the energy required in order to achieve the effect, this is what psychiatrists and those assholes would call "psychological effect". With that said, I am still tired, and the stimulants are waking up my ouchies too, so I think ill get some sleep and dont worry, I can sleep with any stimulants as long as I can use my mind. By the way, my "hypnosis senses" are not hypnosis by themselves, but in order to hypnotize oneself and other, one must learn to read body language and stuff like that, something which I now do subconciously because I am experienced. Alice is calm again, her hands are shaking but she is cold, I am pretty sure she is far more tired than I am, so I kinda ordered her to go home, this guy can type for me. Just want you to know that I am doing fine now, and that the PTSD is much less severe than before as my brain no longer remembers the voice and looks my parents had back then, so I just feel my nose getting punched and breaking, its... Surprisingly annoying, so ill get some sleep, if nothing else it will help Alice get better, and I wont lie, I need it.

What do you call a muslim on an airplane? A airline passenger.

There are 100 men enjoying a cruise to celebrate an important contract going through at their place of employment. The boat then suffers a major malfunction and tragically sinks to the bottom of the ocean, miles from any land masses. Not a single man died, how is this possible? They all used the lifeboats supplied on the boat and followed the standard procedure to deal with such a crisis.

What's the different between a trampoline and a baby? You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear? The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew?... Never mind, that was a stupid question.

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

You know what they say about a guy with big feet? He wears large socks and has big shoes.

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? HIV

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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