My mom told me to shut up because I was screaming as I was strangled.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

columbus laid an egg. he was very proud of it, but the other dudes ate it.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a black man flying a plane ? - a pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Two penguins are in the shower. One of them asks if he can have the soap. The other responds, "What am I, a telephone?"

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was 6 afraid of 7 ? Cause 7 was a petophile and 6 has four children

thumb_up thumb_down -10

An Indian child is born with three arms. After being ridiculed his whole life he kills himself at age 19.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the fat chick have a camel toe? She was half camel

thumb_up thumb_down -10

The last time Jesse saw his **** was the day..........oh wait it's never happened

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Johnny woke up christmas morning, went downstairs and opened his presents to find he had an iPhone, iPad,Ps3 Laptop, the full lot. Then his mate came around and Johnny bragged about all the stuff he had got. Then his mate replied," I wish i had cancer".

thumb_up thumb_down -10

man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A brown haired woman walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor it hurts whenever I touch myself." The doctor says, "Strange, I have never heard of such a disease. Please show me." The woman touches her leg and screams,"Ow!" Then she touches her arm and screams again. The doctor asks, "Are you a natural brunette?" The woman replies, "No, I am a blonde." The doctor says, "Oh, that explains it. You have a broken finger. God, you are so blonde." The woman gets her finger treated and then lives in agony for the rest of her life due to her untreated broken leg and arm.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an abosolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why can't Chuck Norris divide by zero Because it's impossible

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What happens when a black man is alone the KKK appears

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A sober Amy Winehouse

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was the middle-aged doctor morbidly obese? He liked bacon and was severely hypocritical.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was the boy hit by a bus? Because the driver is a homicidal sociopath.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? A: A lot of things.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's behind Chuck Norris' beard? His chin

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red, Violets are red, My house is red, I am on fire

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I'm sn otter

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a black man with a gun? A cop

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the tight shirted Asian man spend all his time on his knees? Because when he was 12 he was forced to work in a textile factory where he lost his lower legs.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops