Q. How do you get a dinosaur off a slide? A. You tell him he hasn't lived for billions of years.

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A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

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What's blue, cold and makes people cry? A dead baby

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Q:why did the man jump of the house A:he did not I threw a frige at him

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A tree fell in the forest. The person in the house it hit heard it.

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what did the alcholic get his children for christman, nothing i lied about the children. Another joke by rangler thumbs up for more.

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What do an eagle and a badger have in common? They both live underground...except the eagle

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Whats worse than 2 holocausts? 2 and one tenth of a holocaust

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Did you hear about the Pole who studied for 5 days?

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Why did the man buy Trojan for his women? It's condom curtsey.

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what did the cat say to the monkey meow then he got hit by a car

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How do you get a Jew into a car? Tell him to get in the car.

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There's two bears in the shower. One bear says "pass the soap". The other bear says "no soap. Radio".

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No, we are all different, none of us are the same, you however, have no match, your ability to think influence and inspire even today, is unmatched. It is he who is unmatched, who stands alone.

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What do you call a large group of Apes attacking San Francisco? Well, it isn't called anything but coincidentally there is a movie called Rise of the Planet of the Apes which was released August 5, 2011 starring James Franco and Andy Serkis. -David Bruggen

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What's the deal with airplane food? Why don't they serve it as a complimentary part of the flight anymore?

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your real father. I left you when you were a month old and I have regretted the decision ever since. I would like to be a part of your life.

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What do you call a black man who goes to college? A scholar.

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Why does Reid always have a blank stare on his face? Because he is constantly searching for the answer as to why his sister was raped, stabbed, and burned alive all right in front of his face.

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What did the lamp say to the pencil? Nothing. Lamps and pencils are inanimate objects and are also non sentient so therefore are incapable of talking or listening or having any emotions.

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Whats small, red and white, and would kill you if shot out of a cannon? A decapitated baby

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What has two legs but can't walk? A quadriplegic man who lost mobility in his legs due to a horrific logging accident.

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What do you call a guy who can't get a girlfriend? Me.

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. Sucks to be a fish.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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