My friend died by getting shot in the head. But he respawned back at his checkpoint.

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What do you say on a date with Uma Thurman? Hey Uma, pass the salt.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? "Marla should be home by now, it's nearly 6." He was unaware he had lost his tractor until the next morning.

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Two men walk into a bar. It turns out the bar was a lever and set off a bomb. They both died.

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A Black Man Walks Into A Club.

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Knock knock Who's there? Illiteracy.

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Okay, but cut me some slack here, its not as straight forward as it sounds, I got at least twice as many active synapses as other people do, that means twice the thought process, in video games I can for example remember twice the commands, and such. Sadly this does not mean that I can think twice as fast or twice as smart, but rather that I do so involuntarily in short spans, until I burn myself out. So be a bit nice to me, when I say that I have since I was a kid used about 2.5-7.5 mg valium, this is just because my thought process works so fast I burn out because well, I got the processor, but it burns out, excuse me my wife needs some help with her cellphone, see you soon

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Guess what I did to the clown I hit it with an axe

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A man goes to the doctor. The doctor says: both your legs are broken in 10 places, you will never walk again.

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What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

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Why was Little Billy sad? Because he got shot.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? I. I who? I broke my dick.

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Police Officer: Please step out of the car, sir Jimmy: Xbox...

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What's the best way to look 10 pounds thinner? Lose 10 pounds

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what did the white singer say to the black rapper? I would like to do a song with you seeing as how we have 2 separate audience types i believe this would prove the song to be successful

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What did the pimp do to his bitch? He thanked her and rewarded her for her years of dedication and preserverance

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Roses are red Violets are astronaut This joke didn't make sense I'll kill u with a rake

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What did the homeless guy get for Christmas? Nothing, he's homeless.

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Q: What's worse than eating cauliflowers? A: Eating cauliflowers and getting raped by Jerry Sandusky at the age of 7.

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What did the carrot say when it was thrown out of an airplane? Nothing. It's a carrot.

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They see me rolling' Up my sleeves for some volunteer work at the local shelter

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A snail walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "hey we don't serve snails here," and flicks him across the street. 3 years later the snails walks back into the bar and said, "why'd ya do that for??"

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Why did the jewish man pick up a nickel on the street? Because he understands the value of saving money.

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What is the anwer to life? (>^v^ )> KIRBY DANCE

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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