If I had a dollar for every time i got distracted, I want some ice cream

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What did Helen Keller say when she jumped off the cliff? ........………………………………….…………….........................................................................………………,………………...........................................................................………………………………….…………….........................................................................………………,………………...........................................................................………………………………….…………….........................................................................………………,………………...........................................................................………………………………….…………….........................................................................………………,………………..................................................................... .

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A guy walks into a restaurant.... He ordered his meal , got desert and left a nice tip based off a percentage of his final bill.

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A fat lady walks into a bar. Your probably wondering what she ordered. She ordered a ham burger.

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A horse walks into a bar, realizes that he shouldnt be here so he walks out.

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A blonde lady has a sore throat. Her colleague tells her that whenever she has a sore throat, she performs oral sex on her husband and swallows, and this cures the problem. The next day, the blonde comes into work. The colleague asks if she followed her advice, and the blonde says yes and it worked. The blonde also passes a message from her boyfriend thanking her colleague for the suggestion. The two sets of spouses eventually became close friends and were godparents to each others' children.

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A bartender walks into the man and the bar said nothing because it was inanimate.

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Bob: Whats the difference between a fish and a microwave? Steve: I don't know Bob: Daaaamn your dumb!

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Why did the jew give all his money away to charity? -No I'm kidding, he didn't.

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You wanna hear something dirty? A pile of garbage. That's dirty.

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whats brown and sticky? a sweaty mexican

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Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasnt wearing a seat belt.

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A dyslexic pervert asks to see a woman's bar. Then he is chased to the bra next door.

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My friend died by getting shot in the head. But he respawned back at his checkpoint.

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What do you say on a date with Uma Thurman? Hey Uma, pass the salt.

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Two men walk into a bar. It turns out the bar was a lever and set off a bomb. They both died.

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Q:why did the man jump of the house A:he did not I threw a frige at him

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What is worse than 10 dead babies in a tree? 1 dead babies in 10 trees.

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A Black Man Walks Into A Club.

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Knock knock Who's there? Illiteracy.

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Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a blender? A: None. It is a sick and depraved act that is probably illegal anyway.

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Okay, but cut me some slack here, its not as straight forward as it sounds, I got at least twice as many active synapses as other people do, that means twice the thought process, in video games I can for example remember twice the commands, and such. Sadly this does not mean that I can think twice as fast or twice as smart, but rather that I do so involuntarily in short spans, until I burn myself out. So be a bit nice to me, when I say that I have since I was a kid used about 2.5-7.5 mg valium, this is just because my thought process works so fast I burn out because well, I got the processor, but it burns out, excuse me my wife needs some help with her cellphone, see you soon

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Two blondes are out for a walk when they come across some tracks, they realise they are train tracks and move out of the way to make sure they aren't hit by a train.

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Guess what I did to the clown I hit it with an axe

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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