What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms

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Laugh

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why was it funny that the boy got a razor for christmas because he had leukemia

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What's the difference between a water melon and a baby? One's fun to hit with a sledge hammer, the other's just a water melon.

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What was the pirate movie rated? Pg-13

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What does Patrick say? IM PATRICK!!! IM PATRICK PATRICK PATRICK PATRICK PATRICK PATRICK!!!!! PATRICK!!!!!

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An English man walks into a pub.

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Why would you ever buy an antijoke book? BECAUSE ANTIJOKES ARE F***ING AWESOME!!!

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Q: What's long and gray and kills people? A: A gas pipe.

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Why was Jimmy upset? There is a frog taped to his face.

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What did the man with cancer say to the Holocaust survivor? "I have cancer."

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What do you call a blonde with big breasts? A woman. Some call her "mom".

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A black man, an Asian man, and an American man are in a car. Who is driving? The black man, it's his car.

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Whats worse than a rotten tomato. a fridge hitting your baby.

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What's sad about 4 people in a Lamborgini going over a cliff? It was my car.

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I have a dig bick . . . . . You have a dirty mind.

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What player wears number 8 and plays for liverpool? Steven Gerrard

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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Hey dude, wanna come with me!!!! Sure, where? ON YOUR FACE!!!!!! -_- ........ok sure why not

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Look how far I can kick this bucket

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Abstract thinking part one of... One: What kind of idiot tries to run trough a wall, rather than to just use the door? The "Idiot" is in a cell whose walls are made of thin wood plates, the door is made of steel and locked. How I cured my own damn anxiety five hundred of one: Now this is real see? I got stressed, damn it was like something that was not me but my body scared as shit began fearing for its life right my arms shaking like fuck sweat and all that crapa? So I got pissed got in front of the mirror, stared at myself and shouted "GODDAMN BODY YOU THINKS YOU CAN CONTROL ME? IF YOU DO NOT STOP BEING SO FUCKING AFRAID OF DEATH! THEN I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!" So yeah unconventional indeed, but it worked for five times, and I never had to use it anymore. Moral: My own body and every fucking cell of it, is not the only one that fears me more than death.

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house? A: babies lack the intelligence and motor skills to accomplish such a task so it is not practical to hire them for a painting job.

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Roses are red, Violets are green, get in my bed, if you know what I mean.

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bill: HEY! your moma so fat bob:so i dont care shes gonna die soon anyway

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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