'l give you a nickle to tickle my pickle i'l give you a dime to take you time

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A chemist and his buddy walk into a bar. The chemist, trying to sound smart, says, "I would like a glass of H20." The buddy, being a normal person who actually cares if he looks like an idiot, asks for plain water.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why did the man tell the other man to shut up? The other man said something that made this particular man mad which drove him to tell the other man to shut up.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? I wouldn't consider Mark a chicken. In fact, given the high speed and volume of cars traversing that particular road in both directions, I'd say it was a ballsy move. In hindsight, though, he probably should have waited for the "walk" symbol to appear for pedestrians, in order to avoid being run over by a bus. Anyway, if Pastor John would like to say a few words before we finally put Mark's body to rest...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

text your mom saying you need help, then turn on vibrate and shove the phone up your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A guy walks into a bar and orders 4 shots. The bartender promptly pulls out a gun and shoots him 4 times.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A jewish man, a black man, and a redhead walk into an electronics store. Because they work there.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call when you see a man murder 8 black guys? The police.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? Bananas don't scream as much when you peel them.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A dyslexic man walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the difference between a blonde and a blow up doll? The blonde is a person, you sexist asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Life is like a box of chocolates. Well...not really no. It's not.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

laughter is the best medicine, unless you have cancer...you will die

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you make bread out of corpses? You don't. You grow it with bread seeds.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: Whats red and circular? A: A red circle

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Life is like a box of chocolates! It sucks if you have diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you get a baby in a blender? Feet first so you can see the expression on it's face. How do you get it out ? Nacho chips!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I was watching this one episode of mighty morphin' power rangers ......and i realized i got trapped in the 90's.... THANK YOU BOOTLEG TIME MACHINE FROM .....EBAY......it's always ebay.....

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what is the difference between a black man and a white man? Their skin color.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the black kid get for Christmas? Nothing. He celebrates Kwanzaa.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What time is it when you should go to the dentist? About ten minutes before whatever happens to be the time of your appointment.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats the quickest way to a woman's heart? A bilateral incision on the upper left region of the sternum.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

So. The gays. ...

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops