Why didn't the monkey cross the road? He saw the chicken get run over.

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how do you know Newcastle are losing? its 5 past 3

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What makes men cry? The realization that humanity is completely pointless in the infinitely expanding universe and thus any action to try and improve human life is also a complete farce.

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How come the man couldnt read the directions? He was reading it upside down.

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1: What do you call your car door when it's opened slightly? 2: I don't know. What? 1: Ajar! 2: A jar? 1: No. Ajar. 2: But it's a door. 1: Just forget it.

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A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".

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What do you call a black man with cancer? Someone with cancer

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How do you change you dishwasher into a snowblower? Give her a shovel.

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Q: What's the biggest lie ever? A: Saying you read the Terms of Service

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Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit.'

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What's sad about 4 people in a Lamborgini going over a cliff? It was my car.

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I know what you do with your right hand. You part-take in everyday activities such as eating, typing, grooming and maneuvering.

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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Seargent: Quick seal off all the exits so he cant get away. Private: OK 2 minutes later Private: He escaped sir Seargent: What, how Private: through one of the entrances

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Why did Chad find dead people all over the playground? Ask him, it's not like he's pointing a gun at your face.

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Why did Little Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock Kncok Whose there? Not Sally

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Q:What did the scissors say to the paper? A: Nothing, cause thier scissors and paper they don't talk..

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Why don't men have menstruation? -Because it sucks

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What's the difference between hot tea and cold tea? The temperature.

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What do you get when you mix red and blue? Gang violence.

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3 bears walk into a market. A little girl sneaks into their house. Meanwhile, people are freaking out because there are THREE BEARS in the market.

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What's worse than being a ginger? Being a soulless ginger

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No Neither has Stevie

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how do you know when an elephant been in your refridgrator The door wont close

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops