What's worse then your mouse running away? Getting hit by a plane

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What do you call an Irish man with no legs? Handicapped

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"The Civil War wasn't won in a day, it was won in a lifetime." -Marc Cruz

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look in the sky! its a bird, its a plane........ Its Miles

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? getting stranded on an island with your best friend and realizing several days later that you will have to eat him to survive. hours after eating your friend a boat saves you and now have to live the rest of your life knowing you ate somebody.................... oh and the Holocaust

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Why did the little girl die Because she was kidnapped by a rapist, and defiled repeatedly, and then to get a ransom from her family the kidnapper slowly pulled out her fingernails and toenails, and sent them to the family the same thing happened with her fingers, toes, hands, feet, arms, legs, teeth, tounge, hair, and eyes, then she died of blood loss after nearly 2 months of torture.

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Two men go hunting and one has a sudden heart attack. The other man calls 911 and immediately tells the operator his location and the nature of the emergency. Rescue workers arrive on the scene in a timely manner and the man makes a full recovery.

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Seargent: Quick seal off all the exits so he cant get away. Private: OK 2 minutes later Private: He escaped sir Seargent: What, how Private: through one of the entrances

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There was this land of cheerios. The regular cheerios were the poor ones, the honey nut cheerios were middle class but loved to party, and the frosted cheerios were very wealthy. So there was a young regular cheerio named paul who really had a crush on this frosted cheerio girl named sophia. He liked her so much, that he finally got the courage to ask her out. Shyly he asked her "do you want to go to prom with me" she said "no i only date frosted cheerios". Paul understood and went back to his house dissapointed. The next day Paul went to the doctor and he asked for an operation to make him a frosted cheerio. Since he wasn't very wealthy he could only afford an opperation that would make him a half cheerio. He decided it will do. The next day he approched sophia and asked "will you go to prom with me now" she said "sorry i only date full frosted cheerios" The next day paul went back to the doctor and convinced his parents to lend him some money to become a full frosted, so thats what he did. The next day he asked her out and she finnally said yes. A few days later they went to the prom together that was hosted by the honey nut cheerios. Sophia asked paul for some brownies so paul said sure and waited on the brownie line for quite a long time. He brought her the brownie and thought he was very nice for waiting on line for so long. Then she asked for some fruit punch. Paul looked around and around, until he realized there was no punch line.

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How long is a china man?

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There was a black man a Spanish man and an Asian in the back of a police car. The end

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Why doesn't Michael Jackson like toast? Because he's dead

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why did the little girl drown? because she was left unsupervized and had never properly learned to swim. she also had no arms and cancer.

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Q: What do you call 500 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A Good Start.

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Billy and Suzy sitting in a tree... Billy is gay.

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Roses are Red You're Black and Blue My fists seemed to have taken A liking to you

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What did the skeleton say when he was horny? Nothing. Skeletons are not living and therefore cannot be horny.

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what is white on top and black on the bottom? Society

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How do you confuse a chicken? Paint yourself black and throw seeds at it.

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What do you call a man in the desert? Whatever his name is.

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Why couldn't the mexican buy a boat? Because he couldn't afford it

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How do you make Chuck Norris cry? Kill his family.

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what happened when the chicken crossed the road? it got ran over by a car recently after it go killed it was eaten by a hobo and the hobo died from ring worm

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that awkward moment when there is no candy in the van.....

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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