A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

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why did the blond walk in to a door because she was not paying attention

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What is chewy and tastes like gum? Chewing gum.

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A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks "What'll you have?" and the duck says "Quack". The bartender is then promptly fired and committed to the nearest mental institution for thinking that ducks can talk and order beer.

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Why does Santa Clause eat cookies? Because cookies not part of a balanced diet.

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Why was the middle-aged doctor morbidly obese? He liked bacon and was severely hypocritical.

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Q: What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? A: A lot of things.

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Bill:What do you get when you cross a panda and an eagle? Joe:I don't know what? Bill: Is that even possible?

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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What do you get when you cross a Poodle with a cupcake? Stop looking at these anti-jokes and get back to work.

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Johnny woke up christmas morning, went downstairs and opened his presents to find he had an iPhone, iPad,Ps3 Laptop, the full lot. Then his mate came around and Johnny bragged about all the stuff he had got. Then his mate replied," I wish i had cancer".

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A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an abosolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

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A brown haired woman walks into a clinic and says, "Doctor it hurts whenever I touch myself." The doctor says, "Strange, I have never heard of such a disease. Please show me." The woman touches her leg and screams,"Ow!" Then she touches her arm and screams again. The doctor asks, "Are you a natural brunette?" The woman replies, "No, I am a blonde." The doctor says, "Oh, that explains it. You have a broken finger. God, you are so blonde." The woman gets her finger treated and then lives in agony for the rest of her life due to her untreated broken leg and arm.

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What happens when a black man is alone the KKK appears

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A black guy walks into a bar. He falls unconscious and an ambulance is quickly called to bring him to the hospital.

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Hey, I'm Schrödinger, and this is crazy! But here's a sealed box... the cat lives, maybe...

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How many people live in China? At least ten.

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If a tree falls in a forest and only one women is there to hear it, does i make a sound? Trick question: there's no forests in kitchens.

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Why did the tight shirted Asian man spend all his time on his knees? Because when he was 12 he was forced to work in a textile factory where he lost his lower legs.

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Q:What did the giraffe say to the sunflower? A:I like your shoelaces!

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When your scuba diving why do u jump off backwards beacause if u jump forwards than u witll still be in the boat!!!!!!

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Why did the fat chick have a camel toe? She was half camel

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How do you make a plummer angry? Kill his family

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how long does it take a meth-head to rob your flat? not long at all, and they'll take everything. they need to, it's an addiction

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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