A man walks into a bar.

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what's red and smells like blue paint? im color blind

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In the weeks following the original release of Die Hard, reports sprung up across the nation of impressionable boys overdosing while masturbating.

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If at first you don't succeed, there's a very substantial probability that you failed.

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knock knock

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They say that laughter is the key to a long life. What's the key to a short life? Death.

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How many women does it take to arrange my new Ethan Allen furniture? Just one, I was told it was divorce present. She took it with her.

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On monday morning the doctor walked into a patient's room, then he walked out after a quick check up.

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How do you make a telemarketer scream? Set him on fire.

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Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for pooh

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Knock knock.. Whos there? To... To who? To whom.

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Yo Mamma's so dumb... She cannot manage to find a decent job without her GED.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Banana Bananas can't talk.

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Why are kenyans so fast? Because due to evolutionary changes, people from that area of the world have evolved to have superior muscle builds to sprint, hence giving them a natural advantage against an equally trained athlete form another part of the world with an equal skill level

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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a homicidal maniac, six has every right to be afraid

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How many mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Juan.

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I like my coffee like I like my women..... Without Hepatitis.

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Two men go hunting and one has a sudden heart attack. The other man calls 911 and immediately tells the operator his location and the nature of the emergency. Rescue workers arrive on the scene in a timely manner and the man makes a full recovery.

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theres a giant burning orb in the sky and it can burn your flesh, it can give you diseases, it can kill you, looking directly at it causes physical pain, and we all think this is okay. we like this orb. we like to go outside and lie around on our backs when this orb is in the sky. children draw cute pictures of this levitating death orb with a smiley face on it. what is wrong with us

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Why can't jesus hold skittles? They'd fall through his hands.

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A man burps while sitting at dinner. Everyone suddenly stops eating and stares at him. How does he get out of it? Answer: He says, "Excuse me."

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Human: "Panda get off that slide! Your a panda, you don't understand gravity!" Panda: g=9.81 m/s squared. Human: Oh, I see, carry on.

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Why can't Susie jump rope? Because she has no arms. Knock knock! who's there? Not Susie.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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