What do men and women have in common? They're both respected members of society, besides women.

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3 men walked into a bar... They sat down and had a beer.

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So two clowns walk into a bar... . . . . . . . . . . They died

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what did the man with no arms and no legs get for christmas? a new hat

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Three women are on an airplane. One's a blonde, one's a redhead, and one's a brunette. Unfortunately, the plane was going to crash and there was nothing they could do but jump out and parachute to safety. So the captain said to each of the three ladies, "You can only take one of your possessions when you parachute out of the plane." The blonde says "I will take my watch becau--" But before she could finish her sentence the plane exploded because the flames on the wing had ignited the fuel tank. No one survived.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Davey Peterson.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.????????

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What happened the the blonde that went swimming? She cooled off and enjoyed a hot summer day.

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Whats big red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? I don't know it really depends on the car, usually about 2 in the front, 3 in the back and... That's about it

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*knock knock* "who's there?" "me, the person who knocked..duh"

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Yo momma's so poor, that when she went to the soup kitchen, she got food.

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What d u tell Simba when he's moving to slow? Muvasa

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool The tragic drowning of a quadrapalegic

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what did the parapelegic (limbless) kid get for his birthday? Heart failure

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What did the black guy, the latino guy, and the asian guy all have in common? They were all human beings

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Do knock-knock jokes apply to homeless people?

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Roses are grey Violets are grey Everything is grey I am a dog

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Once upon a time, I was a Muslim.

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What's the difference between Chuck Norris and broccoli? A lot.

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5

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Why didn't the elephant do any tricks? It was dead.

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How to do you kill a blonde? Various methods, most effective of which is firing squad

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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