What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide? where to find some cheap cyanide

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What do you call it when the sh*t hits the fan? The sh*t hits the fan.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Get in the van.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I forgot to go to the bathroom

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a potato flew around my room

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Knock Knock Who's there? I don't know Then why should I care I don't know

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How many blind men does it take to change a light bulb?

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Why doesn't Michael J. Fox drive a stick shift? He was raised in an urban area and was only taught to maneuver with vehicles that shifted automatically.

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I nicknamed my diick "the truth" because the biitches can't handle it

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What is the hardest part about rollerblading? Most commonly the balance part.

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Want to hear a funny joke? Womens rights.

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If your uncle jack helped you off your horse, would you help your uncle jack off a horse? Yes

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Whats worse than bitting into a apple and finding a worm? Being the worm who just lost nearly half his whole house because some jerk decided to eat an apple on the ground, whom after eating the apple destroyed the worms self-esteem by making the comparison to the worse thing possible. Or being raped by Zeus in the form of a worm.

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What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof? Get off the roof.

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What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A Pilot

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What's red and smells like paint? Red paint.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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What did the president say after his wife and kids left Him? Im Obama self now

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what do you say to a girl dog crying??? shut up bitch...

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There is a new film coming out, it is a re-make of "Fatal Attraction" The only difference is, it is about two tonnes of antimatter... [L]

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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A man walks into a bar. The bar is closed and the man is a thief. The police are promptly called in fear that the situation may become increasingly dangerous.

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wanna here a dirty joke? Suree A white horse fell in a mud puddle dum dumdum dum duuuuuuummmm

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Why didn't Jimmy ever get his butt of the couch? His butt was nailed to it and he was also dead. Why didn't his parents save him? they died before he did.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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