Why did the man go to sleep at 9:30? Because his mom told him to

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A man walks into a bar. He is genetically predisposed to alcoholism, and it's destroying his family.

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If you are riding on a broomstick and it breaks in the middle of the ocean... How many pieces of toast does it take to fill a light house? Purple, because Oranges cannot fly.

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Why does Santa Clause say Ho Ho Ho? He has Tuberculosis.

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How do you get a clown to stop smiling? Polity ask him to stop.

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Remember when they called online casino`s betting sport? Anti Joke potential detected. I used to play soccer and box back then, but I guess I was still not "sporty" enough for betting sports... And as thus I afforded my lawyer education. Moral: Now that you know my education, do you really think id ever type real morals here? Mwahahahaha!

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A man walks into his doctor's office He says: ''Doctor, I have said goodbeye to my family and friends and I have decided to take the pills you offered me and die peacefully in my sleep, I won't suffer any longer from my disease''. The doctor answers: ''You are in luck, we still have a few of them left''

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i feel like i will die some heroic death, but its more likely i will trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.

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How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Trick question they cant afford one.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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What did the bowl of cereal say? Can I have some milk?

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who can beat up superman doomsday, duh, he killed him

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Why did sally fall off the swing? she had no arms of legs. Knock Knock Whos there? Not sally.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says "i have aids."

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Roses are red violets are blue hes for me not for you if by chance you take my place ill take my fist and smash your face

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If life throws you melons, you might be dyslexic..

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How many spiders dose it take to cover a wall? Four, if they are 7 feet tall

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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What's better than Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels Jr.

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A baby walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "what'll ya have, Sport?" The baby's family runs in with a video camera screaming for joy over his first steps.

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When life gives you lemons ....go murder a clown.

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Why did the polar bear cross the road? He didn't, there are no roads in Antarctica.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chicken brains are not as large or developed as human brains, therefore preventing the chicken from making a logical decision, leading to it crossing a road with heavy traffic and eventually being run over by a semi.

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What is 17 meters, squared? A square.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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