A man walks into his doctor's office He says: ''Doctor, I have said goodbeye to my family and friends and I have decided to take the pills you offered me and die peacefully in my sleep, I won't suffer any longer from my disease''. The doctor answers: ''You are in luck, we still have a few of them left''

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When life gives you lemons ....go murder a clown.

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What's better than Jack Daniels? Jack Daniels Jr.

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A baby walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "what'll ya have, Sport?" The baby's family runs in with a video camera screaming for joy over his first steps.

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Why did the polar bear cross the road? He didn't, there are no roads in Antarctica.

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What is 17 meters, squared? A square.

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What do you call it when a woman doesn't want the child she is currently impregnated with? Abortion: a very sensitive and controversial topic.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chicken brains are not as large or developed as human brains, therefore preventing the chicken from making a logical decision, leading to it crossing a road with heavy traffic and eventually being run over by a semi.

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what happens when you put samuel jackson on a plane with snakes? They make a movie

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Yo mamma is so weird most people try to avoid her.

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What do you call a sandwich that has sandwich on it? A sandwich.

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If life throws you melons, you might be dyslexic..

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Roses are red violets are blue hes for me not for you if by chance you take my place ill take my fist and smash your face

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says "i have aids."

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How many spiders dose it take to cover a wall? Four, if they are 7 feet tall

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who can beat up superman doomsday, duh, he killed him

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Why did sally fall off the swing? she had no arms of legs. Knock Knock Whos there? Not sally.

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How do you get a Black Person out of a tree? Well, if he is stuck call 911 itmediatly!

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you had me at "hello", no need to add "you're under arrest"

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what's the difference between two pieces of bacon and a blond girl? The blond girl is a human and it's against the law to eat her.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? I like Pie. I like Pie who? What do you mean who? Pie isn't a person, it's a thing.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and an egg? Ones delicious with bacon, the others an egg.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no hands.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops