Why did the man go to sleep at 9:30? Because his mom told him to

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How did Princess Diana cross the road? Through the windshield

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What do you get if you mix razor blades with babies? An erection.

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I am not racist., I have a black man in my family tree! He is still hanging there

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Call of Duty is Awesome So is fingering a dead lion with an iron dildo

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9

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A hundred dollar bill falls in the middle of an intersection. Equally distanced from the bill stand a Jew, a Black, a White Supremacist and an Arab. Wouldn't it suck to be on this street? I am sure violence will ensue. Wouldn't want to be caught in the crossfire.

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What did your mom say when Quinn Griffith Randel walked in the door? Hi.

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Sarah Palin

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What do you call a blonde who tries to swim on land? - Stupid.

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Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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I had sex with my mother in law

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What has feet but cannot walk? What has a beak but cannot peck? What has wings but cannot fly? A dead bird.

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What did the little boy get for Christmas? A pair of broken sunglasses, because his parents didn't care about him, and because he lived in Hawaii where it is very hot in December. Plus the kid's blind. By Nikhil Sridhar of Taikoo Shing, Hong Kong.

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amy baked 35 sugar cookies and ate 25, what does she have now? diabetes.

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An apple a day keeps a check next to the "I ate an apple today" box on my "what I did today" daily checklist.

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What's the difference between a woman and a car? A woman is merely a useful object, whereas a car deserves love, care, and respect.

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Me and the wife spent her Birthday in bed, if you know what I mean. We're both severely disabled.

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whats the same about a spider and a grape? they both have eight legs, except for the grape.

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What do Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder have in common? They're both well known figures who have inspired many.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Did you hear about the guy that dropped the soap in prison? He apparently gripped it a bit too tightly causing it to slip out of his hands, but managed to pick it up promptly and finish showering with no further incidence.

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What happened when the kid tried to hang himself? He was overweight, so the ceiling fan that the rope was tied to fell out of the ceiling. When he explained this to his drunk mother when she got home, she reinforced the fact that he was overweight (his low self esteem was the root of his depression) and beat him. The next day, he just chugged antifreeze. This isn't a true story. Just calm down.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Boo To whom is Boo?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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