- Anti Joke

My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding two worms

What is brown and sticky? Black tar heroin.

Why did the black man skip every other step on the stairs? Because he had long legs and it was faster.

Why didn't the oven turn on? Because nothing turned it on.

Why did moral man run out of morals? Moral: LEAVE MORAL MAN ALONE! BUAHAHAHA LEAVE HIM ALONE! BUAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!

Jersey Shore

George: I see you got a haircut. Jim: No, I got them all cut.

Why did the chicken cross the road? The horses name was Friday.

What did walt disney say to the Jew? Nothing. Walt Disney didn't know the man was Jewish and didn't have time to make himself acquainted with the fellow.

What would make a black guy sad? His mom dying on death bed...

What did the pear say to the plum? Nobody knows - the plum was deaf and didn't hear, the pear knows only dirty words in sign language, and there was nobody else around to overhear.

whats red with blue spots and is highly inteligent? an apple. i lied to you and am sorry

A mormon walks into a bar. He orders a caffeine free Coke.

How many carrots can you fit in a truck Depends who's driving

How many women does it take to arrange my new Ethan Allen furniture? Just one, I was told it was divorce present. She took it with her.

What did the orphan wish for Christmas during world war II? Parents What did he get? Bombed.

A blind man walks into a wall.

What did the homeless man say to the rich man? Can i have some food?

Why did the little boy enter the white van, then leave scarred for life? He was going on a family trip within the said white van, but along the way they got in a horrible accident which involved a bus, a tractor, and finally a steamroller. The boy quickly escaped at the last second only to watch his family scream as the steamroller slowly crushed the van where they were trapped inside. He then broke down into tears and depression and finished it all by jumping off a bridge. It was a truly tragic incident.

What is the difference between a black man and a white man? The pigment in their skin.

What did the retarded asian dolphin eat for breakfast? A big bowl of shit

Andy Carrol

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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