10 people walk into a bar. 6 hours later, 3 more people walk into the bar. There are now 12 people in the bar, and one corpse in the dumpster out back.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because it's in a chicken coop.

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What do you call red eyes in the dark? A high black man

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How many pancakes does it take to fill up a doghouse? None, because ice cream doesn't have bones.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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Ever heard of the dumb blonde joke? You probably wouldn't get it.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side

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What's the difference between a woman and a car? A woman is merely a useful object, whereas a car deserves love, care, and respect.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Q) How do you get 100 midgets into a Mini? A)You have to manufacture a Mini large enough to accommodate 100 midgets. It wouldn't be street-legal, but at least the problem of getting 100 midgets into a Mini is solved.

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charlie sheen losing

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Q: why do english soldiers have red coats? A: to cover the blood stains, so they can still lead their platoons when they are shot. why else?

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So a man walks into a bar, He says, "Hey bartender! Can I have some beer?" The bartender says, "Sure!" and hands the man a Bud Light. The man drinks the Bud Light and leaves afterward.

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What's worse than getting Ebola? Nothing

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How did Darth Vader make the little black boy's day? "I am your father"*heavy breath, heavy breath*

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Goldilocks walks into a bar. But its not really a bar, it's a bear cave and she is eaten by porridge eating bears.

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A man walks into a bar... "Ouch"

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Holy crap, the garden's on fire.

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What's black and white and red all over? A car in which some young hoodlum appears to have splashed a fair amount of red paint over the owner's otherwise charming checker pattern.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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What has the head of a lion, the body of a mule, and the penis of a seal? Nothing... what the hell did you think it was? Are you on drugs or something?

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Q: Whats the difference between nude pics and your mom? A: I can wackk off to nude pics

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How many Jews can you fit into a 1968 Caddy? 1 in the front, 2 in the back, and 200 in the ash tray.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops