What has four legs and starts with the letter D? A cow.

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Q:What would strawberry short cake never say? A: Very

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Q: Do you know what really makes me smile? A: Facial Muscles.

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Q: What's green and goes through walls? A: A pickle, you just have to throw it really hard.

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What did the little boy get for christimas? Nothing because he's a selfish asshole.

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A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

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A man went to the doctor with a strange complaint. "Well it's like this Doc, when I drive to work in the morning through the country lanes I start to sing 'The green green grass of home'. If I see a cat then it's 'What's new, pussy cat?'. It's so embarrassing, even when I'm asleep and dreaming, I still keep singing. Last night, it was 'Delilah', and my wife was not amused!" "Yes, it would apear that you have the early symptoms of Tom Jones syndrome." "Well I've never heard of that, is it common?" asked the man. "Yes," replied the doctor, "It is very uncommon."

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Roses are black Violets are white I'm colorblind

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Whats worse than dying? Nothing.....?

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Q: Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? A: A couple of pigs with questionable carpenter's skills, and maybe Red Riding Hood. Grandma wasn't so lucky.

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What do you call a black man with a gun? A cop

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When life gives you lemmons Give lemmons Life

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Yo mamma is so weird most people try to avoid her.

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Did you hear about the mail man without a mail truck? He walked

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Ask me if I'm a kangaroo Are you a Kangaroo? No….

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Q. What roles did girls play in the Gold Rush of 1849? A. Miners.

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What do you call a bird with no wings? Dead

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How many jews does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

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An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scott land on an island. They were on vacation and returned to the UK, which consists of two isles.

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What did little Jimmy say when he saw a group of dancing blue penguins dressed as cannibal clowns with saucers on their head ? "What the f*ck"

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Why do women wear perfume and makeup? Because they smell bad and are ugly.

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ahhh finally removed the splinter I've had for quite some time now. Hopefully that was the last one I'll get for a while...touch wood

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke her face

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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