Why do black people eat at KFC? Because KFC serves good food at reasonable prices.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Shoulda had a V8 ...or not because I am severely allergic to tomato's.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What is Debbie short for? She has no legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q-- Why did the boy stop playing football? A -- He had to go for his tea

thumb_up thumb_down +19

pickle sniffer

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Two Blondes walk into a bar. They each enjoy a refreshing drink before heading home to greet their family

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Want to hear a funny joke? Womens rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

falling didnt make the difference

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Are you from Tennessee? Because you accent is really not hiding it

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock-knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Whys it so cold? Nuclear winter.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why did suzy fall of the swing? -she had no arms... Why couldn't she get back up? -she had no friends

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

what do you call a blond who likes human flesh a cannibal

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, All you HATERS of Bieber, Go sick your mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What is invisible and smells like carrots? The smell of Carrots. Pretty sure you can't see smells.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

so your skydiving in the ocean and one of you bedroom windows break. how many bloodstains does it take to paint a peice of bread covered in goat milk? the answer is D. 2731 books on cannabalism

thumb_up thumb_down +17

The king has three daughters. One day, one of the daughters comes into his room and asks, "Father, why is my name Rose?" King replies,"well, a rose petal fell on your head when you were a baby." The next day, the second daughter comes into his room and asks,"Father, why is my name Tulip?" the king replies,"A tulip fell on your head when you were a bay." On the next day, the final daughter comes in and says, "BLAJSFUAGHASRAKKKKKK." The king says,"Shut up, Cinderblock."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? Nothing. Inanimate objects, such as a tube of glue, however adhesive the contents of said objects are, are in no way capable of advanced speech, let alone basic communication.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's the difference between a duck? Nothing, they're both the same.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A Chinese man walks into a bar. With his thick accent, he finds it difficult to order drinks.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats worse than purple nurples? Having the period

thumb_up thumb_down +15

whats blue, saggy, moldy and smelly? Will Nealis' Vagina

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops