how do you get someone out of a chair? hit him with a shovel

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Why didn't the boy have any toes? - Because he did not have any legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

What is worse than having sex with a dead baby in front of it's mother? Not a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

What did the mexican get for his brthday? A potatoe

thumb_up thumb_down +51

You might be a Redneck...if your job requires you to work long hours out in the sun and you do not take advantage of sunscreen.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

What gas station can u make a Kwick trip at? Kwick trip

thumb_up thumb_down +51

what do you call a little girl next to a mexican? a rape victim.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Roses are red. Violets are red. Tulips are red. My garden is on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Steve: Hey ask me if Im a Pelican. Bob: Are you a pelican? Steve: YES.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

What the kid with no arms get for christmas? A baseball and a glove to go through with his dad

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Holocaust jokes are not funny. My Grandpa died in the Holocaust... He fell off of the guard tower.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

you will now laugh.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Your momma's so fat: She's willing to risk kidney damage and embarrassing flatulence by undertaking the atkins diet.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What is worse than a fly in your soup? Getting hit by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

If life gives you melons you're dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

An Englishman, an American, and an Australian walk into a bar. They speak English to each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

What does Ke$ha feel like when getting up in the morning? Shit because she has a nasty hangover.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

I like my women the way I like my coffee: Without a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What did the dog say when the woman put a sweater on him? Nothing, dogs can't talk and he has no idea what is going on

thumb_up thumb_down +43

What do you do when life gives you lemons? Life is an abstract object incapable of handing out gifts, thus if given a lemon by life you should go to a doctor to make sure you don't have an undiagnosed disease.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why did the Filipino hate internet advertising? Because navigating around a webpage with pestering visual and audible promotions often proves cumbersome and distracting from the task at hand.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Why did sally break her arm? A piano fell on her

thumb_up thumb_down +43

, , /^\ ___ /^\_/ `...' /` ,__\ ,' ~ ( ,___\ ,, ., \ \___ \\\ .'.' .-. ) .'.-\\\`.`. '.-. ( / (==== ."". ( o ) \ ,/u `~~~'| / `-' ) "")^u ^u^|~| `""". ~_ / /^u ^u ^\~\ ". \\ _ /u^ u ^u ~\ ". \\ ( \ )^ ^U ^U ^U\~\ ". \\ (_ (\ /^U ^ ^U ^U ~| ". `\ (_ _ \ )U ^ U^ ^U ^|~| ". `\. (_ = _(\ \^ U ^U ^ U^ ~| ".`.; (_ -( _\_)U ^ ^ U^ ^|~| "" (_ = ( ^ U^ U^ ^ U ~| (_ - ( ~ = ^ U ^U U ^|~/ (_ = (_^U^ ^ U^ U / (_- ~_(/ \^ U^ ^U^," (_ = _/ |^ u^u." (_ (/ |u^ u.( (__/ )^u^ u/ /u^ u^( |^ u^ u/ |u^ u^( ____ |^u^ u( .-' `-, \^u ^ \ / ' .---. \ \^ u^u\ | ' ` ; | \u^u^u:` . `-' ; | `-.^ u`._ _.'^'./ "-.^.-```_=~._/ `"------"' Seahorse

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops