how do you make a dead baby float? take your foot off its head.

thumb_up thumb_down

roses are blue violets, are orange, i am color blind

thumb_up thumb_down

-What did the snake say to the mouse? Nothing. Animals can't talk dumbass.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the dog say to the cat before they fought? Lets fight

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you should be a con artist.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what do you get when you cross a scotsman who doe'snt know anything about football,and a indian who doe'snt anything about football .blackburn rovers , and a good night out.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why didn't Jimmy go to school? Because his school was nuked.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How long will it take for a dog to paint a color wheel? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: why do shower heads have 11 holes? A: Jews only have 10 fingers

thumb_up thumb_down -2

George: I see you got a haircut. Jim: No, I got them all cut.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Spread the net.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

They decide to exchange heads. Barbie squeezes the small opening under her chin over Ken's bulging neck socket. His wide jaw line jostles atop his girlfriend's body, loosely, like one of those novelty dogs destined to gaze from the back windows of cars. The two dolls chase each other around the orange Country Camper unsure what they'll do when they're within touching distance. Ken wants to feel Barbie's toes between his lips, take off one of her legs and force his whole arm inside her. With only the vaguest suggestion of genitals, all the alluring qualities they possess as fashion dolls, up until now, have done neither of them much good. But suddenly Barbie is excited looking at her own body under the weight of Ken's face. He is part circus freak, part thwarted hermaphrodite. And she is imagining she is somebody else—maybe somebody middle class and ordinary, maybe another teenage model being caught in a scandal. The night had begun with Barbie getting angry at finding Ken's blow up doll, folded and stuffed under the couch. He was defensive and ashamed, especially about not having the breath to inflate her. But after a round of pretend-tears, Barbie and Ken vowed to try to make their relationship work. With their good memories as sustaining as good food, they listened to late-night radio talk shows, one featuring Doctor Ruth. When all else fails, just hold each other, the small sex therapist crooned. Barbie and Ken, on cue, groped in the dark, their interchangeable skin glowing, the color of Band-Aids. Then, they let themselves go— Soon Barbie was begging Ken to try on her spandex miniskirt. She showed him how to pivot as though he was on a runway. Ken begged to tie Barbie onto his yellow surfboard and spin her on the kitchen table until she grew dizzy. Anything, anything, they both said to the other's requests, their mirrored desires bubbling from the most unlikely places.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

a person cries in the corner you go over to them and rape them

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why is six afraid of seven? because seven is a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you dirty racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

whats cold and in a box...have a guess

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Shit Happens....or sometimes it doesn't! As the person is taken to the hospital with severe constipation.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He was ferociously raped by a bear.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you make a business man cry? Hit him in the face with a brick

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Roses are red, violets are blue i've got a gun, pointing at you

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Yo mamma's so fat, she's self-concsious about her weight and is embarassed when people make fun of her weight which makes her escape to her only friend, food, which makes her even fatter, so she will never lose weight until society accepts her and is not so prejudice towards overweight people.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Wats worse than bitting into apple and finding a worm Bitting into an apple and finding an alligator

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? In a desperate, but unsuccessful attempt to save his mothers life, as a serial killer pulled her into his van

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What is the difference between a dog being hit by a car and an Arab being hit by a car? There are skidmarks before the dog

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops