How do you wake up your snoring friend? Cut his feet off.

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in 2001 a man was working happily in his office cubicle and got an email from his boss saying that he had great news for him. filled with excitment he knew he was getting A big promotion and could finally afford that new toy his kid has always wanted. Feeling great the man walks up to the office window to enjoy the view he notices a very large commercial airliner flying straight towards his office.

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You can buy me a rose, and if I love roses, that rose would make me happy, you can buy me a large house by the ocean, but if I do not like big empty spaces and dislike the sea, it would make me sad. I am no longer sure what would make me happy, so no.

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What's the difference between 10 dead babies and a red sports car? A red sports car was never a living organism.

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What's worse that finding a worm in your apple? Half the holocaust

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F U C K Y O U W I T H Y O U R A N T I J O K E S

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why are they called the melbourne storms? Because you turn 360 degrees and walk away

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A seal walks into a club.

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Why didn't the lactose intolerant man get a drink at the bar? He was the designated driver.

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Your everything I've ever dreamed of you sing like a bird your gorgeous your funny your friendly your sensitive your caring your unique and one day I will kill you.

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Why did the Jew pick up the penny? Because he dropped it

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 has been charged on 3 accounts of 2nd degrees murder and 6 fears for his life.

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What's yellow and if it gets in your eye, you'll die? a yellow train.

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What do you call a black hitch-hiker? Stranded

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Q: What do you call a hobo asking for change? A: Get off my driveway!

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What do people in Asia do for black history month? Nothing, black history month is an American thing.

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There's a pair of siamese twins.....One of them's gay.

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knock knock who's there police

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An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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q

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Q: What's worse than being forced to eat your veggies? A: Being forced to kill your parents with a carrot.

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On Friday the 13th,I had one of those dreams of when you go to school in your underwear. I then realised it wasn't a dream.

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Society has given up on chairs that spin.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was making a suicide attempt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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