A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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what do you call a somone who murders someone else? black.

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i put the STD in S.T.u.D all i need is U!!! F_CK all i need is U!!!!!!! o.0 lolzzz

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and chess? Michael Jackson's dead.

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One day, John ate some food. He quickly realized he had an upsetting feeling in his stomach, so he stopped eating food and used the restroom. Then he drew a picture.

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What does a dog do in his spare time? Lick himself.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was a woman...

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If you give a mouse a cookie... ...you're destroying its natural diet. It might die.

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A man enters a bar. Two minutes later, a woman leaves a bar. What happened? A man entered a bar and a woman left. What's there to explain?

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How many rabbits does it take to screw in a light buld? None, it is scientifically impossible for a rabbit to climb a ladder and screw in a light bulb.

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Three blokes walk into a bar. I'm british.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had legs and knew how to walk.

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What was the biggest party of 2010? The Democrats.

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A Haiku Haiku's are easy But Sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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Knock Knock! Who's there? I don't remember the rest of the joke but your mom's a whore.

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What is brown and sticky? Black tar heroin.

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What is the difference between dead babies and a corvette? There is no corvette in my garage

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What do you call 2 tigers, a zebra, and a walrus? A small zoo full of 4 animals

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why is 6 afraid of 7 ? because 7 is black.

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Why did little Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. A. Knock, Knock! B. Who's There? Not Suzie.

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omg this doesn't work 1.hold breath for 5 minutes 2.die it doesn't work cause you would just knock yourself unconconsiuse and your body will start breathing for you again until you wake up

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Friends are like penguins because when you throw a polar bear at them they die

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay man's house. Knock knock... Who's there? The Chicken

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why was the boy sad? because he was raped by a clown.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops